Woman Reveals Husband Spent Thousands on ‘Happy Endings’ While She Was Pregnant

Dear Amanda,

I’ve been happily married for 14 years, but lately my husband has completely lost interest in sex, and I’m at my wit’s end.

He works at a bank, comes home, switches on the news, and seems to shut down before falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He no longer tries to touch me, and the rejection is destroying my confidence. I’ve even tried wearing sexy lingerie, but he simply turns over, leaving me feeling unattractive and frumpy.

To make matters worse, my friends are constantly complaining that their husbands make advances when they’re tired or not in the mood.

When I raised the subject with my husband, he became defensive and insisted that having less sex is normal at our age. That doesn’t seem to be true for my friends, at least when it comes to their husbands’ desire. His response left me feeling mortified.

What should I do?

We’re both in our forties, and I don’t want our sex life to be over.

Not Getting Any

Dear Not Getting Any,

You’ve certainly challenged the outdated idea that women automatically lose interest in sex after turning 40.

After 14 years together, it’s completely understandable that you still want your husband. Many married couples become less physically affectionate over time, and some even choose separate bedrooms because of snoring or other habits. Your continued desire is nothing to feel embarrassed about—in fact, it’s refreshing.

I understand why his lack of interest has damaged your confidence; I’ve experienced that feeling myself. I once dated a man who seemed more interested in pornography than in me, so I replaced the baby lotion he kept beside his computer with fake tan. The relationship did not last—and neither did the fake tan—but his rejection was painful. It was difficult not to question my body and my desirability.

You say you’ve already spoken to him, but would you consider seeing a therapist together? Relationships change, and this may be a difficult phase that can be addressed through honest communication. A hotel stay or weekend away might help you reconnect, but he also has to be willing to work on the problem.

You deserve intimacy and a fulfilling sex life. I wouldn’t advise looking for sex elsewhere, as that would create further complications, but you are entitled to feel wanted, valued, and desirable within your relationship.

You say this has continued for several years. Have you asked him directly whether he is finding sexual release elsewhere? I’m not suggesting that he is, but it is a question worth addressing rather than leaving you to guess.

It may be that masturbation, the shower, or pornography have become his main sources of sexual satisfaction. If he is honest that his feelings have changed and shows no interest in rebuilding intimacy, you may need to consider whether the relationship can continue in its current form.

You did not marry him simply to share a home as flatmates, and you are still young. Some people need a wake-up call before they recognise what is at risk. My advice is to attend therapy together, have a frank conversation, and make sure he understands that a sexual relationship is important to you—ideally one that you share with him.

If that fails to create any urgency or willingness to keep the relationship alive, I would pack up the sexy lingerie and consider moving on.

Dear Amanda,

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When I was six months pregnant, I discovered my husband had been having ‘happy endings’ at a massage parlour.

I was devastated, and when I started digging, I found out he had spent thousands in just four months.

He went to therapy and said he was ‘cured’ of his ‘addiction’, but I suspect he’s back at it again. He says I am overreacting, and that it wasn’t cheating anyway, but I am finding it hard to get over.

Our baby is now 11 months old, and I’m still hurt and angry.

Should I move on, or is it true – once a cheater, always a cheater?

Not So Happy Ending.

Dear Not So Happy Ending,

Ah, the old ‘happy endings’ – though there couldn’t be a less fitting phrase, as it’s certainly not a happy ending for you, is it?

Look, I’ve always said men seek sexual relief the way women crave a good foundation. I’m not saying it’s right, easier to swallow (pun unintended), or ever justifiable to cheat, but let me tell you from my experience as Samantha X: there is rarely emotion involved for men during these encounters, if that’s your main concern.

He isn’t about to run off with his massage therapist. His 15 minutes of relief has nothing to do with his feelings for you, nor does it mean he loves you any less.

You say your husband went to therapy and was ‘cured’? I’m sorry, but that’s wishful thinking. I’ve sat in enough recovery meetings to know addictions are not that easy to ‘cure’.

Will he change? You may not like my answer, but no, I don’t think he will. Perhaps he’ll stop for a month, a year, while your baby is a toddler – even a teen – but when the opportunity arises, he’s likely to return to old habits.

You haven’t mentioned your sex life, but I can only assume he wants it more than you do. Don’t blame yourself – many men stray even when they have healthy sex lives.

For some, variety is the spice of life; others are simply opportunistic. Do you really want to live in anxious anticipation every time he leaves the house? Not to mention the money he’s spending.

In my eyes, you have two choices: leave, or do what many wives do – turn a blind eye and tolerate the occasional ‘happy ending’.

It’s not a reflection of his love for you. I once spoke to a wife in a similar situation: her husband swore he’d stop seeing sex workers, and she asked if she should believe him. My answer? No.

In my experience, men like this get caught, promise with tears never to do it again, and as soon as the dust settles, they’re back. They always come back. This is a classic case of ‘knowledge is power’ or ‘ignorance is bliss’.

Is it worth leaving over a few massages? Only you can answer that. Will he change? Absolutely not. Is it cheating? In my opinion, yes – though it’s not the worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

Good luck. I hope you find your own happy ending.