DEAR ABBY: My wife of 20 years passed away four months ago following a long illness. I had retired at 62 to care for her, which was a demanding but fulfilling task. A longtime female friend named “Dinah” attended the memorial service. I have been grieving, participating in Grief Share, and studying articles on coping with loss. Grief is a daily experience for me, one that I anticipate will last a lifetime.

Recently, Dinah and I started spending time together, including attending religious services. It is important to note that we have not been involved romantically and are not planning to be until after we are married, if that day ever comes. However, the challenge arises from the reaction of my late wife’s family, who are growing increasingly distant. I don’t believe I am acting inappropriately. Others have suggested that I should wait at least a year before pursuing a new relationship. My financial advisor and I talked about refraining from major financial decisions in the near future, but I am perplexed about this “one year” timeframe. — READY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR READY: The concept of waiting one year before making significant life changes is similar to the advice given by your financial planner. The rationale behind this suggestion is that individuals who have recently lost a spouse may be emotionally fragile. In moments of loneliness, some may rush into new romantic relationships that they later regret. While there is nothing inherently wrong with exploring a new relationship, your late wife’s family may be upset that you have moved on so quickly and view it as a form of disrespect toward her memory. What they may not have considered is that your grieving process began during the period when you were caring for your wife, rather than commencing only after her passing.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married for 25 years to “Gayle,” who has alienated herself and their family from everyone, including her own siblings, our siblings and the rest of our family as well. She limits when, where and with whom he can spend time. 

Gayle nearly always has a nasty comment or barb and picks someone to fight with at every family gathering. Rather than deal with this, my family and our siblings’ families have distanced ourselves, which is especially sad because my brother and Gayle have college-aged children with whom we enjoy spending time.

Abby, something happened recently that makes me wonder if it’s time for someone to intervene. My brother has an increasing number of false memories about things that never happened in his life — particularly ones in which he has supposedly been grievously wronged by me. Please share some advice. — MISSING MY BROTHER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR MISSING: The topic of false memories is not one about which I am knowledgeable enough to comment. I do, however, know they happen sometimes as people age. Your brother may be experiencing symptoms of dementia and should be examined physically and neurologically by his doctor. Discuss this with the rest of your siblings in the hope that if ALL of you suggest this to your brother’s wife and adult children, it may get through to her. But don’t count on it if she has worked during their entire marriage to isolate him from all of you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.