DEAR ABBY: My youngest son is tying the knot this spring, and they’ve opted for a child-free wedding reception. We have three grandchildren, aged between 3 and 7, and the wedding is taking place in the city where my son and his fiancée reside, which means we will be traveling. They want the kids to be part of the ceremony as flower girls and the ring bearer, but then they are excluded from the sit-down meal, reception, and dance. This means the parents need to arrange for babysitters.
Our grandchildren hold a special place in our hearts, and my husband and I are heartbroken that they won’t be included in the entire event. We consider them immediate family and have requested their inclusion, but despite our pleas, the bride and groom have stuck to their decision. What’s even more challenging for us is that while no children or even nursing babies are allowed, their dog will be part of the wedding party.
Recently, at the bride’s wedding shower, which I attended with my two other daughters-in-law, it was tough to muster enthusiasm about the upcoming nuptials. I have shed a few tears over this and can’t help but feel a bit resentful towards the couple. Do you have any advice on how to handle these feelings? — WEDDING WOES IN CANADA
DEAR WEDDING WOES: I’m sorry the wedding reception won’t be the joyful family gathering you envisioned. If it were your vow renewal, things would surely look different. However, this day belongs to the bride and groom, and they have crafted a celebration that reflects their wishes, including a reception without children. Demonstrate your love and respect for them by honoring their choices and leaving your grandchildren in the care of a babysitter.
DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance of mine has been posting pictures showcasing every phase of his lavish mansion’s construction, from the groundbreaking to digging the massive pool, right up to the finished house. I’ll admit, I feel envious. But isn’t it inconsiderate of him? Our friendship circle mostly comprises middle to upper-class families, and I find his posts uncomfortably insensitive. Am I out of line for feeling this way? — FLIPPING MAD IN TEXAS
DEAR FLIPPING MAD: I’m sorry your ego is bruised from looking at the photos your friend posted of creating his new home, but what he did isn’t rude. Perhaps if you start counting the blessings you have in your own life, you can combat the green-eyed monster you have been feeding. I wish you luck because there is nothing constructive about envy.
DEAR ABBY: Should I tell my two older grandchildren that my husband and I are divorcing? Although the divorce is in its early stages, our home is expected to be sold a year and a half from now. My daughter and grandchildren reside in that home. I’d like to know if this would be too early to let them know. Please give me your opinion. — MAKING A CHANGE IN FLORIDA
DEAR MAKING A CHANGE: Your daughter should be told (if she doesn’t already know) because she will need time to find another home for herself and her children. When to share the news of the divorce with her children should be her decision. A year and a half is plenty of time for everyone to prepare for the changes that are coming. I hope that the divorce will be amicable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.