Couples therapist Dee Tozer: Why you should celebrate Valentine’s Day

An Australian couples therapist claims celebrating Valentine’s Day could save your relationship down the track.

Dee Tozer, from Melbourne, who has more than 30 years experience, says of the 5,000 struggling couples she’s worked with nearly all of them had no interest in celebrating the day.

Among her client sessions, she’s noticed four common reasons why couples choose not to acknowledge the annual day. 

‘It is my responsibility, and personal investment, to check in with my couples at 12 months and two years, post working with me. Ninety-four per cent (non-infidelity), 96 per cent, after infidelity – report they are doing well and haven’t looked back,’ says Dr Tozer told Mamamia.

Dee Tozer (pictured, centre), from Melbourne, who has more than 30 years experience, says of the 5,000 couples she’s worked with nearly all of them had no interest in celebrating Valentine’s Day 

While many believe Valentine’s Day is now over-commercialised and used as a ploy to make money, the day traces back to 5th century Romans but wasn’t linked to romance until the 14th century.

Some couples may believe love should be celebrated each day and not limited to just one day of the year, when cards, chocolates and roses are hiked up in price.

But those who don’t acknowledge the day are also at risk of feeling left out.

Dr Tozer also believes Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for couples to focus on their relationship and celebrate their love.

‘I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it’s fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It’s easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place,’ she said.

‘The priority to dedicate time to indulge in each other’s love is diluted to the point where not celebrating that love becomes the norm.’

Couples with children often have little to no time for themselves, let alone romance – they are usually focusing all their energy on the kids’ schedules. 

When juggling work, kids, family, social activities, sporting practice, parents can be left exhausted by the end of the week.  

Valentine’s Day gives couples an excuse to get a babysitter, go out to dinner and spoil each other.

Dr Tozer believes Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for couples to focus on their relationship and celebrate their love. ‘I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it’s fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It’s easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place,’ she said (stock image)

Dr Tozer claims she’s heard various complaints from both men and women regarding how they act in response to common misconceptions. 

For instance, some may argue Valentine’s Day is about husband’s pursuing wives, when the day should be about celebrating the relationship as a whole. 

Dr Tozer says she’s heard men complain they’ve bought their partner flowers and gifts without receiving even a thank you in return, while women may believe their partner just wants sex.