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DEAR ABBY: My friend “Louis,” who is in his 60s and partially disabled, is facing a tough situation. Despite his disability, he can still handle custodial jobs. His sister, “Gayle,” who lives 500 miles away, invited him to move in, promising to help care for him.
However, upon moving, Louis discovered that Gayle struggles with severe alcoholism. She returns home from work and consumes six to eight drinks, becoming belligerent towards both her husband and Louis. Recently, she demanded that Louis leave her home within 30 days. Having cut ties with everyone back in his former location, he finds himself with nowhere else to turn.
To help him out, I lent Louis some money to ensure he doesn’t go hungry while he searches for work. He’s already applied for several custodial positions. Unfortunately, Gayle’s husband, though a good man, lacks the strength to confront the situation. Gayle has even been physically aggressive towards him. They all need guidance, but Gayle is resistant to seeking help for her addiction. — THERE FOR MY FRIEND IN FLORIDA
DEAR ‘THERE’: Louis and his brother-in-law may benefit from attending Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings. These groups can provide much-needed support and help them feel less alone in dealing with Gayle’s alcoholism.
Regarding Louis’s living situation, given that he’s burned bridges in his previous town and lacks the means to relocate, your best course of action is to continue offering a listening ear and emotional support until he secures employment. Louis might also be eligible for disability services and assistance in his new area, so encourage him to explore these resources thoroughly.
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are going to court against each other. My mother-in-law acknowledges that she wasn’t a good mother when her children were younger. My sister-in-law claims her mother was harassing her by dropping off gifts, notes and money on birthdays.
Unfortunately, my fiance and I were dragged into the middle of the situation because we were speaking with both of them prior to the court proceeding. Now, they have both cut us off! I’m pretty sure it was because we wouldn’t pick sides, but why should we have to? We love them both.
My fiance had a close relationship with his sister and mother. I know this is hurting him. How can I help bring their relationships back together? My sister-in-law has blocked me from all of her accounts, and if I mail a letter, I’m afraid she will accuse me of harassing her, too. — TOUGH POSITION IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TOUGH POSITION: There is no way you can force a reconciliation between two parties who don’t want to mend fences. You do not know whether your mother-in-law’s motive for dropping off unwanted gifts was to harass her daughter. (It may have been.) My advice is to stay firmly out of the line of fire until after that court case has been resolved.
DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want you to know how much I value my long relationship with all of you. Wishing you all a Happy Valentine’s Day. — WITH LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.