Dear Abby: I’m a 63-year-old man caught in a romantic quandary. Over the past four years, I believed that my 57-year-old fiancée and I were in an exclusive relationship. However, I’ve recently discovered she has been spending time with another man, a friend she chose not to tell me about. They frequently meet for lunches, dinners, and various activities.
She insists they are simply friends and reveals that he is her attorney, who has shown interest in pursuing a romantic relationship. Her omission feels like a breach of trust, and I’m struggling with both her honesty and our relationship’s future. She doesn’t see the incident as significant. What do you advise? — Simmering Suspicion in Florida
Dear Simmering Suspicion: For someone who’s engaged, interacting privately with a man keen on romance is far from appropriate. Her secrecy and trivialization of the situation only escalate its seriousness. Caution: If you decide to take this relationship down the aisle, you may find yourself needing legal counsel sooner than you’d like.
Dear Abby: My marriage of 34 years has faced a unique strain for the last decade. My husband and I took in his brother “Clay,” now in his 60s, after long-term effects from PCP left him needing care. Living with Clay has transformed our home life into a constant challenge.
Clay has driven away one of our pets, and his behavior is erratic and disruptive. He’s dishonest and has a habit of stealing from us. Basic hygiene eludes him, he refuses to tidy up, and he leaves all household chores to me, the only woman here. His expectations have long been ingrained, and his indolence is exasperating.
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I want a divorce. My husband will not put Clay into an assisted living facility or a mental institution. I love my husband, but I refuse to be disrespected by anyone. I told him I wouldn’t ever allow any member of my family to disrespect him the way I, our marriage and our home have been disrespected by his brother. Abby, would you divorce your husband for subjecting you to this daily living hell for 10 years? — Done in Montana
Dear Done: I certainly wouldn’t have put up with your mess of a brother-in-law for an entire decade! Still, if you are considering divorce, you must mention that to your husband. Offer him a final opportunity to make other arrangements for his brother. Be clear that if he continues to value Clay’s comfort over yours, the marriage is over.
Dear Abby: I am a boy in South Korea who likes boys. When I was in middle school, I loved girls just like everyone else, but it changed after entering high school. When I see boys in school now, I have started to feel the charm of them. These days, I’m scared that if I reveal it, I’ll be mocked by my friends and others. What should I do? — Not Straight in Seoul, S. Korea
Dear Not Straight: If you don’t feel comfortable or safe coming out to your friends, it’s OK to wait. All of this gets a bit easier after you graduate, especially if you are able to attend a university. For now, focus on your studies so you can make that happen. To find gay or gay-friendly people to talk to outside your school, look up an organization called Dding Dong at ddingdong.kr.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned the column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.