DEAR ABBY: After 15 years of marriage, my retired husband, “Seth,” is driving me to the brink of divorce. His negativity and verbal abuse have not only strained his relationships with friends but also impacted mine. Seth’s drinking is constant throughout the day (I partake in drinking as well), and he frequently hurls insults that are too harsh to repeat. He disregards my need for rest, even though I’m still working, and believes his behavior is amusing. His hearing issues mean he talks softly, leading to unnecessary disputes.

I care for Seth, yet I feel like his behavior is eroding my spirit and identity. Once independent and confident, I now find myself tiptoeing around him. Some days, I dread returning home from work, contemplating escape. What should I do? — AT WIT’S END IN IDAHO

DEAR ‘AT WIT’S END’: I recommend reaching out to Al-Anon (al-anon.org/info) to locate a nearby support group and attend their meetings. If you truly feel at the breaking point, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries with your disrespectful, alcoholic spouse. Firmly tell him, when he is more sober than usual, that his drinking must cease or the marriage will end. Then, prioritize your well-being and be prepared to take action.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I were once inseparable, sharing dreams, laughter, and life’s challenges. I was certain we’d spend our lives together. When he proposed, I eagerly accepted, and we aspired to start a family. However, he wanted us to wait until we bought a home. Trusting in our shared vision, I agreed to delay for five years.

Eventually, we purchased our house, but when I broached the subject of children, everything changed. He confessed he no longer wanted kids, leaving me devastated. The future we had envisioned crumbled. Not long after, he invited his mother, sister, brother-in-law, and their daughter to live with us.

I tried to be understanding, but I began feeling like a guest in my own home — like he loved me, but prioritized them. Eventually, he told me he was moving out. He bought a condo and moved with his entire family, and I was left alone — emotionally and physically.

I have tried to convince myself that this was never really about the kids, but I can’t shake the guilt. Part of me keeps thinking if I had said no to children, would he have stayed? Even now, years later, I still care for him and cannot seem to let go. I don’t know how to move forward when someone who was once my everything still occupies so much of my heart, even if he’s no longer in my life. How do I let go of someone who let go of me so easily? — DREAM DESTROYED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ‘DREAM’: You feel guilty for having wanted children, after your husband led you on for years pretending that he did? You were grossly misled and then deserted. If that reality hasn’t been enough to help you “let go,” then what you need is professional help from someone who is licensed to give it. You are clinging to the fantasy of this person, not the reality.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.