Share and Follow
DEAR ABBY: I recently spent some time visiting a dear friend who is in her early 80s. Lately, she’s been showing signs of memory issues and some cognitive decline. Her children, who are in their 30s, still live at home, and her husband is also in his 80s.
During my visit, I observed how her family members frequently made comments about her hearing and mental sharpness. What started as seemingly innocent jokes quickly turned into hurtful remarks. I could tell from my friend’s face that these comments were wounding her, though she either laughed it off or acted as if she hadn’t heard them.
After leaving, I went to visit my sister, who is also in her early 80s, only to witness a similar situation. Her husband and daughter were incessantly teasing her about her hearing, eyesight, and occasional struggle to find the right words. This wasn’t new behavior, but seeing my friend endure it earlier had made it more intolerable. In both situations, I regret not speaking up. Abby, how should I handle this in the future? — LOUSY FRIEND AND SISTER
DEAR ‘LOUSY’: When you encounter similar situations again, don’t hesitate to express your concern. Let the individuals know that their remarks are not humorous but harmful. If they genuinely believe their loved one is experiencing difficulties, they should encourage her to be assessed by a neurologist, ophthalmologist, or audiologist to determine what can be done to help.
DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have two children. Their youngest, a baby, is particularly special to me as he is my first biological grandchild from my son. I’ve developed a close bond with this baby by caring for him since he was just two and a half months old, every weekday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. The plan was for me to care for him until he reached a little over a year old, after which he would go to daycare. However, I’ve recently learned that the costs of daycare might be prohibitive for them right now.
My husband and I have been eagerly looking forward to the time when I will have some time to do other things. I am torn between telling them I will watch him longer and saying they’re going to have to figure it out. I love this baby boy, and I love my son.
My emotions have gotten the best of me, and I’m considering caring for my grandson longer. However, I know that’s going to be an issue with my husband, who is not my son’s father. What is your view on this? — TORN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA
DEAR GRANDMA: My view is that you, your husband, your son and his wife should have a conversation in which you structure a schedule that will work for all of you. If that is not possible, because your son and his wife need help paying for day care, perhaps you and your husband could chip in.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.