DEAR ABBY: I belong to a fantastic group of women friends whom I’ve known for many years. Each month, we enjoy dinner and drinks together at a local restaurant, and the birthday person usually decides the venue, rotating among three main options.

However, I sometimes skip these gatherings if they choose a place frequented by a certain individual, “Bob.” Although Bob has never been formally charged with a crime, I was one of his victims two decades ago, shortly after my first husband’s passing. Bob broke into my home, taking items from my husband’s office. I was present at the time and he entered my bedroom as I was dressing. When I screamed, he claimed he was just checking on me because I hadn’t responded to his knocking.

While I have no personal connection to Bob, my friends do. They are all aware of his past actions and reputation, as is the owner of the bar he frequents. Despite this, Bob remains popular because he buys drinks and mingles easily, which doesn’t sit well with me. The thought of attending our dinners at this specific venue triggers my PTSD, so I often choose to sit those nights out.

Some friends have suggested I should “get over it,” but moving past this isn’t easy for me. Do you have any advice on how to manage this situation? — VICTIM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR VICTIM: I am truly sorry for the distressing experience you endured. Even though Bob didn’t physically harm you, the fear you felt was valid. Here are a couple of ways to approach this situation: Continue to skip gatherings at venues where you might encounter Bob. (Did you report the incident to the authorities at the time?) Consider the nature of your friendships with those who choose this location for their events. If your PTSD persists, seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who specializes in trauma could be beneficial.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been engaged three times, and each time something happened and caused the engagements to be broken. I’m 38 now. I’m not sure if marriage is ever going to happen, but it’s something I have looked forward to and is a dream of mine. However, the more I think about it and how things are these days, I can’t help but wonder if it will ever happen for me. What do you think I should do — keep hoping, or put marriage on the back burner? — HOPING AGAINST HOPE IN INDIANA

DEAR HOPING: Sit down and ask yourself what went wrong with each of your engagements so it won’t be repeated. Then begin plotting out a different life for yourself, an interesting one filled with activities, adventures and the pursuit of subjects that interest you. This can become your gratifying reality. If you do, it will expose you to people you might not otherwise meet. Of course you can keep “hoping” for marriage, but your chances of finding what you’re looking for will be better if you become more active than if you preoccupy yourself with this “dream.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.