DEAR ABBY: My son tied the knot with a wonderful woman, “Noelle,” two years ago. They reside a couple of hours away and have a 1-year-old son, who is my third grandchild. Interestingly, Noelle’s parents live just 10 miles from my home, and she, along with the baby, visits them almost every weekend. However, they never stop by our place. The last time I saw them was at the baby’s birthday party five months ago.

My daughter lives just down the street from Noelle’s parents. Surprisingly, she wasn’t invited to the baby’s first birthday celebration, despite being the mother of his cousins. I ended up bringing her children along with me to the party. There were mostly adults in attendance, along with a baby from her cousin.

We’re not unpleasant people, and there’s never been any conflict between us. It pains me that they don’t seem to acknowledge me as a grandmother or regard our family as part of their circle. My ex-husband, the baby’s grandfather, has never had the chance to meet the baby and, to my knowledge, hasn’t even met Noelle.

I’ve requested my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby over or allow him to stay with us for a day or even overnight so we can bond with him, but it never materializes. How can I convey to them the emotional impact of their actions on our family and the baby, without worsening the situation? — DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: This is an issue that warrants a candid discussion with your son, who might be oblivious or simply ineffective in addressing the matter. Ask him if he’s aware that his parents have been completely sidelined. If he is, perhaps he can clarify the reasons. If not, express your feelings to him directly. Doing so might encourage him to take a stand. Remember, it’s never too late for change.

DEAR ABBY: One year ago, my heart was torn out of my chest when my wife died after a five-year battle with stage-4 breast cancer. It was the beginning of the end of my world. I’m alone now. We have two cats I still take care of and all the daily chores of a normal household. 

I have tried looking at dating sites, and I see a couple of women I might be interested to know. Here’s where I need a female stranger’s perspective: I still hurt inside, and I know I will for some time. I also feel that if I have someone to talk to, it’ll be the personal therapy I need to help get me back on track. However, I also feel that if I start dating, it will be like I’m cheating on my wife, and the hurt comes back. What am I supposed to do? — CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. If you feel you need a woman’s perspective, find a female licensed psychotherapist to help you get back on track. If you do this, you are less likely to dump your guilt and grief on someone who might take advantage of it or be driven away by it. If you can’t afford a therapist, joining a grief support group may help you expiate any guilt you feel about going on with your life. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.