DEAR ABBY: Four years back, my cousin “Roy” introduced me to his circle of friends. This lively group would gather monthly at a different couple’s house, indulging in meals followed by a spirited game of dominoes. The atmosphere was always vibrant and filled with laughter, a pleasure I’d seldom experienced since losing my husband years prior. I felt embraced by this newfound camaraderie, even being told I was “part of the family.” Roy even brought me along on cruises with a few members of the group, strengthening our bonds even further.
However, after one of those cruises, things took a peculiar turn. Aside from Roy, who instead turned hostile, everyone else completely cut me off. Despite my efforts, no one told me what I might have said or done to offend them so gravely. I confided in Roy, emphasizing that I’d never intentionally hurt anyone, but he offered no clarification. And today, reaching out to five others from the group yields only silence.
How can apologies be made when I’m clueless about my transgression? With Roy no longer among us, I’m at odds about whether I should reach out once more. Could trying to understand why I was “ghosted” be worth pursuing? — LONELY WITHOUT THEM IN MISSOURI
DEAR LONELY: If your intent is to rekindle these old friendships, it’s likely that chance has slipped away. Yet, for the sake of your peace of mind, it might be worth one last attempt at contacting Roy’s friends for closure. Regardless of their response, it’s crucial for you to expand your social network and move forward. Remaining fixated on this past hurt won’t bring you any benefit now.
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DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my wife and I hired a cleaning company to help around the house once a month. It has been a big help because my wife has arthritis. Even though her arthritis is debilitating at times, she insists on still working at least part time.
When “Helen,” the woman who cleans our home, arrives, we offer her tea or something before she starts to clean. Recently, she asked my wife if she worked, and my wife responded that she works part time as a librarian. Helen’s response was, “Oh, I wish I could work part time.”
My wife is 64 and worked full time until two years ago. Helen is probably in her 30s. I didn’t appreciate Helen’s demeanor. Her response had a hint of jealousy. My wife and I are quiet people. We dislike strife. How can we politely tell Helen she talks too much? We don’t mind for a little while, but she talks almost the entire time she’s at our home. — UNRECEPTIVE AUDIENCE IN NEW YORK
DEAR U.A.: A way to accomplish that would be to stop offering Helen “tea or something” when she arrives, which should give her less time to socialize. Another would be to make it a habit not to be in the same room with her while she’s working. I’m sure you and your wife can find something else to do while the place is being cleaned. You could even go out for coffee or lunch unless your intuition is telling you she can’t be trusted. If that’s the case, you need another cleaning person.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.