DEAR ABBY: I have finally found the man of my dreams after years of disappointment. I am facing a dilemma on how to communicate to him that there are certain aspects of our intimate life that need improvement without causing discomfort. Although I have brought this up in the past, it hasn’t made a lasting impact. This issue is the only thing affecting our otherwise great relationship. I am wary of hurting his feelings or creating an awkward situation, but I am not satisfied with his performance. — WORKING ON IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WORKING: I will assume that the man of your dreams loves you and wants to take care of you. Although this may be a difficult topic to address, communication is very important. Ask your doctor or gynecologist for a referral to a licensed sex therapist, then tell the man you love you would like him to accompany you. If he loves you, he will go and learn something. If his ego gets in the way, have the conversation about what you need at a time when you are both calm and relaxed, and communication is easier — NOT in the bedroom.

DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 10 years ago, and I have a dear friend of nearly 30 years who still likes to sleep next to me when she visits. This is becoming so annoying that I don’t want her to visit. It was fine when we were younger, but we are in our 40s, and I no longer want to sleep next to anyone! I don’t like pajamas. I like to sleep cool and in the dark, while she is always cold and likes to sleep with the TV on. 

My friend won’t tell me what her problem is; she says she’s not scared to sleep alone. She has a husband at home, but she nearly freaked out when he went on a weekend trip with his friends. I have a very nice guest room, but she never wants to sleep in there. She does not respect my boundaries, and I don’t know how to make her understand that I want to sleep alone. Can you help? — SOLO SLEEPING LADY IN MARYLAND

DEAR SOLO: I sure can. The next time this friend wants to visit, grow a backbone. Tell her you no longer want to share your bed with her or anyone, and if she can’t be comfortable in your guest room, she should stay home. Gee whiz!

DEAR ABBY: Today, I asked a man with a black mole on the side of his face if he had been checked for skin cancer because I come from a family with a great deal of skin cancer. The man was very patronizing and told me I should just go sit down. My husband previously ignored my concerns, but he did listen to a friend who was concerned that his dark mole could be pre-cancerous, which it was. Was I wrong for bringing this to the stranger’s attention? — PROACTIVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PROACTIVE: If you said it in the context of explaining that your husband had something similar that turned out to be cancerous, I don’t think what you did was wrong. It may have been presumptuous but it was also well-intentioned. He may have reacted the way he did because it made him self-conscious. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.