TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: My spouse finds joy in high speeds and fast cars, while I am the complete opposite. Fast cars and adrenaline-inducing activities make me uncomfortable. Despite explaining my feelings to him numerous times, he continues to request that I join him in these fast drives. Although I occasionally comply, I do not enjoy it.

If I decline his invitations, he interprets it as rejection. I have attempted to communicate my aversion tactfully, but he persists in wanting me to accompany him on these high-speed excursions. I am uncertain about how to handle this situation. I would appreciate your guidance. — AVERSE TO SPEED IN THE U.K.

TO THE INDIVIDUAL WHO WROTE IN: You have been open about your preferences. Despite this, your partner has chosen to disregard them. If you are not comfortable riding with your adrenaline-loving spouse as he indulges in speed, then do not feel obligated to join him. If he reacts negatively because of your fears or hesitations, the issue lies with him. It is essential to stop internalizing the problem and understand that it is his to resolve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had dinner with some friends, a married couple. After dinner, we left the restaurant a few minutes apart and, as we were walking to our car, I told my husband the wife was “really intense and sometimes a lot to handle.” I didn’t realize they were still within earshot. My husband pointed out that they probably heard me, but I’m not sure. Can I do anything? I don’t want to apologize if she didn’t notice or take offense. But she IS really intense and may be angry. — OOPS! IN OREGON

DEAR OOPS!: Cross your fingers and wait it out. You will know whether you owe her an apology the next time you or your husband try to invite them out. If you’re lucky, she didn’t hear you. Next time, wait until you’re safely in your car to unsheathe your claws, pussycat.

DEAR ABBY: I need to live with someone because I’m on the verge of being homeless. I have been in homeless shelters, and I have also lived alone, but I can’t do that again because it causes my anxiety and depression to act up.

I just started talking to this guy. We are starting to like each other, but we haven’t met in person, and I am wondering if you think I could move in with that guy after a month? — NEEDS SHELTER IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEEDS SHELTER: No, I do not! It would be a huge mistake to move in with anyone you have known for only a month. If you think staying in a shelter until you can get on your feet and be independent causes your anxiety and depression to act up, it would be nothing compared to living with a stranger who might be abusive. As you stated, you haven’t even met this person yet. A gamble like this is very risky, and I don’t recommend it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.