DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lives an hour away. When I visit her, it’s always for a day trip, and I’ve never asked her to stay over at my place. Similarly, she has never offered for me to spend the night when I visit her.

The last couple of times she visited me, she arrived early in the morning at 9 a.m. I thought she wanted to spend the whole day together, but she ended up just wanting to talk and eat. I’m not one to sit around all day, but I tolerated it because she’s a good friend. Then, around 5 p.m., she brought in her luggage, expecting to stay the night. We would end up staying awake until midnight just talking.

I need advice on how to kindly let her know that I prefer she doesn’t stay overnight. She has been seeing psychiatrists for five decades, mostly just for talking. She is also anxious and lacks other interests or hobbies. How do I address this issue with her without hurting her feelings or causing a meltdown? — TREADING LIGHTLY IN THE WEST

DEAR TREADING: You are not responsible for this woman’s mental health, nor should you be. She appears to have been using you as a supplemental (unpaid) therapist. The next time she wants to come for another marathon talk session, tell her you’d love to see her around 1 p.m. but will be unable to entertain her past 5. Unless you create boundaries, there won’t be any, and the friendship you have with her will implode. 

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 43-year-old woman who is unable to have children. As difficult as this is, I have sisters, friends and my own mom who are wonderful mothers, and I look forward to celebrating them on Mother’s Day. However, every year on Mother’s Day, I struggle. Strangers assume that I’m a mother, and family overcompensates for the fact I’m not one. I am told “thank you” and have been given trinkets and flowers at restaurants because strangers assume I’m a mom. My family has even given me “awesome aunt” gifts to celebrate the occasion. 

I haven’t discussed my fertility struggles with anyone because it’s too difficult and painful. While I understand and appreciate everyone’s kindness, I’m struggling with how to convey that I’m fine with not being recognized. I feel it’s cruel to have to disclose my medical diagnosis to others in order to be left alone on a holiday that has nothing to do with me. How do I kindly tell people to leave me alone? — NEVER MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEVER MOM: You are not the only person who encounters this problem every Mother’s Day. You don’t have to convey the message verbally, which might be repetitive as well as painful for you. Go online and search for buttons that bear the message “Child-Free.” When I looked, I was surprised at the variety that are available.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.