DEAR ABBY: For over 25 years, I have enjoyed astronomy as a hobby, regularly observing meteor showers and other celestial phenomena. This year, I decided to invite my brother-in-law and his wife to join my husband and me to watch a meteor shower. Knowing we both have campers, I took the initiative to book and pay the deposit for two camping spots at a prime location known for its excellent night skies. The reservations were finalized more than a month ago.

Recently, my sister-in-law, whom I have cherished as a dear friend for over two decades, called me to inform me that my brother-in-law had invited their three preteen granddaughters to join us. I was taken aback as I had assumed it would be an adult-oriented outing, given that we would be staying up late into the night and driving 30 minutes to reach the optimal dark-sky viewing location, something I do annually.

During our 90-minute conversation, I expressed to my sister-in-law that I believe my brother-in-law should have consulted me first before extending the invitation to their granddaughters, considering that I had organized and planned this event and had initially only invited them.

Moments after we hung up, she texted me and said to cancel their reservation because they would not be attending. We are driving 90 miles to this campsite. They live 30 minutes from it. Was I wrong to tell her I should’ve been asked first since I am the hostess for two days and nights? — STARRY-EYED IN THE WEST

DEAR STARRY-EYED: Your brother-in-law should not have invited anyone along without clearing it with you first. What they did may have been well-intentioned, but it was also rude. If any of those girls show an interest in astronomy, in the future, you might choose to invite them to this kind of event. But their presence should not have been sprung on you the way it was.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for nearly 20 years. My mother-in-law has always been passive-aggressive, critical, and mixing into our business. My husband never told her to stop because he never could stand up to her. Sadly, I didn’t stand up for myself, either. I finally had it and cut her off to an extent. 

My husband says he supports me but has never shown it. He now often speaks to her away from the house and lies to me about it. Since I stood up to her, he has also pulled back from me emotionally, which he was barely capable of before. She still mixes into every part of his life and gives him speeches like he’s still her little child. 

I am finished with this unhealthy dynamic. I insisted on therapy but have seen no change in him at all. He goes only because I force him. Have you any advice? — BURNED OUT IN NEW YORK

DEAR BURNED OUT: I agree that the dynamic you have described is unhealthy. It appears your husband is more bonded with his mother than he is with you. Do nothing on impulse or out of anger. If you are truly burned out, continue talking with your therapist to help you decide how to move forward.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.