DEAR ABBY: I’m 29 and in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, “Justin.” We’ve been together for 10 years, but things have been difficult since his business closed last year. I’ve had to take on 10 shifts weekly across two jobs to pay our bills, including our mortgage. This hectic schedule means we hardly see each other, creating tension between us.

I never planned to develop feelings for someone else, yet it happened. I have feelings for “Brad,” a colleague with whom I often converse. He makes me feel a way I haven’t in years. Our interactions involve innocent flirting—nothing sexual or inappropriate—and we don’t communicate outside of work.

In my perspective, Brad and I haven’t crossed any lines, despite my growing feelings. I suspect he might feel similarly, although it hasn’t been verbalized. Brad tends to be reserved and doesn’t interact with many others. He’s juggling two jobs while attending school.

I don’t want to leave Justin. I love him, and we are good together. But I can’t ignore what is happening inside me right now. Help, please! — TORN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TORN: Working two jobs with 10-hour shifts is, to put it mildly, stressful. I can see why your relationship with Justin is strained. You are exhausted! I can also understand why you might welcome the distraction of a flirtation with Brad. However, unless you have left something out of your letter, Brad hasn’t asked you out even for a coffee, let alone to leave Justin. I’m not suggesting you ignore the feelings you have been developing for Brad, but I am telling you to focus more energy on fixing what has gone wrong with your relationship with your boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: For years, my husband and I have socialized with a small group of couples, all empty nesters in our 50s and 60s. We meet at our favorite neighborhood bars for happy hour, live music, dancing and other city events, and we have a great time. 

Over the last year, one couple has started inviting several of their 20-something children and a grandbaby (yes, to the bars, at night) to hang out with us. It becomes loud and messy the more the “kids” drink. The conversations are different, and the baby cries, and it has completely changed the vibe of our get-togethers. I like this couple but not particularly their kids. 

Is there a tactful way to redirect our get-togethers back to just our mature group (rather than “family time”) without damaging friendships, or should we suck it up or bow out? — UNPLEASANT TIME IN THE WEST

DEAR UNPLEASANT: Poll the other members of your group about how they feel about the younger couple and the baby being with you. You may discover you are not the only ones who aren’t comfortable with it. If that’s the case, then someone is going to have to speak up and object. However, if you and your husband are alone in feeling the way you do, the two of you should bow out and socialize with other friends.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.