DEAR ABBY: Recently, I experienced a devastating loss when the love of my life passed away in our apartment. I am deeply saddened by this tragedy and find myself in tears frequently, although I am trying my best to stay strong. Being alone in our apartment, especially at night, is frightening for me. To cope, I engage in arts and crafts during the day. However, the lack of public transportation in my area has me considering a move back to our previous location where I would be closer to my grandchildren. Feeling isolated and unhappy, I am unsure of what steps to take next. Can you help? — ONLY ME NOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ONLY: I extend my heartfelt condolences for the passing of your partner. Given the recent and traumatic nature of his death, I advise caution in making any significant life changes for at least a year. It would be wise to involve your children and grandchildren in the decision-making process before contemplating a relocation.

If relocating back to your previous home would provide you with more social connections, it could be a valid consideration. In the meantime, I recommend seeking support from a grief counseling group, which can be accessed online if transportation poses a challenge. Focus on adapting to your new reality as a single individual.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of six and a grandma to four. We are a close family and enjoy each other’s company. My mom is nearly 80. For reasons I could never understand, she didn’t enjoy my children when they were growing up and didn’t connect deeply with them. She once commented to me that she was bored with women her age because they were “obsessed” with their grandchildren and she wanted deeper conversations. 

Mom moved away and would mostly visit just for holidays and birthdays. When the children tried to share things that were going on in their lives, she wasn’t interested, and we eventually stopped inviting her to sports events and recitals because she seemed annoyed to be there. 

Now that her grands have almost reached adulthood, my mother wants to connect with them. She texts them often and sometimes invites them to visit. They respond politely, and a couple have gone to visit her, but none seem interested in a deeper relationship. This bothers her, and she has been asking me to pressure them to visit her and include her in their lives more. But to them, she is a distant relative. They don’t feel close to her. 

What is my responsibility now? I wish they had a closer relationship with my mom, but I feel awkward telling busy young adults they must plan trips to visit someone who didn’t try to establish relationships with them when they were young. Any advice? — TORN DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your only responsibility is to remind your mother of the truth. When it was time to establish a relationship with her grandchildren, she chose to be absent. Then explain that pressuring them to include her in their lives after she excluded them from hers won’t have the desired effect because that ship sailed a long time ago.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.