DEAR ABBY: I fell ill a few months back and spent 10 days in the hospital before transitioning to a rehab center for recovery. My husband was employed at the same facility where I was staying. Two weeks into my rehabilitation, he informed me that he wouldn’t be there when I returned home and that he was filing for divorce, providing no solid reasons. Our marriage of over 30 years has seen tough times, and during counseling sessions, he was uncooperative, even lying.

I discovered he had been engaged in an affair (his third) with a visitor to the facility who came to see family. He has since moved in with her, and we’re proceeding with the divorce. I am in my 70s, and I always tried to be the partner he wanted. His actions have left me shattered, and I can’t seem to move on. He was the love of my life, and I’m devastated by his actions. I can’t even get him to acknowledge the affair. I wonder if he deceives her as he did me. Previously, he’s shown a tendency to pursue other women. I suspect he has brought his emotional issues into this new relationship. How can I find closure and move forward? — STUNNED IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR STUNNED: If you truly wonder whether your soon-to-be ex-husband lies to the woman he now lives with, you can count on it. Liars lie because it suits them. He will likely cheat on her eventually as he did you. Like it or not, life has given you the chance to move forward. Please take this opportunity and discuss with your attorney what your rights are after more than 30 years of marriage in South Dakota.

DEAR ABBY: I’m the mother of two teenage sons. My younger son “Richie,” is 17 and a great kid. He has a 3.8 grade-point average in high school, studies hard and is never out “roaming.” He has scholarships waiting for the taking. When I come home late at night, he’s already asleep. 

What bothers me is that I know nothing about his life. Richie mentioned that he’s going to his junior prom, and I have no idea who the girl is he is taking. I don’t know his friends, although I do know many of the moms of the friends he’s acquainted with. As a single parent, I work several jobs. I’m exhausted and basically have no life. I don’t want my son to feel I would judge him if he gave me more information about what he does with the little free time he has, but I feel left out. 

I remember when I was 17 and didn’t want my parents to know my business, so I’m reluctant to ask him a bunch of questions. I have never searched his room because I respect his privacy. I always promised my kids that they would have their privacy and freedom as long as their grades were great, and they have given me no reason to question their lifestyles. What should I do? — LEFT-OUT MOM

DEAR MOM: You and your son are living on different schedules. From what you have written, I don’t have the impression that he is being secretive. Find a time when you are both awake and start having some short conversations with him, so it won’t seem like he is being grilled. Because of your work schedule, you have become like ships passing in the night, but there is still time to change course. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.