DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently gained custody of his daughter “Amelia” just 15 days before her 16th birthday. Prior to coming to live with us, she was home-schooled and had very few social interactions. Under our care, we have managed to guide her toward graduation as she is now 18 years old. However, her behavior has taken a turn for the worse as she now intends to move in with her boyfriend and has started skipping school.

My husband believes that we shouldn’t be too harsh on Amelia considering the relatively short period of time she has been with us. We have successfully raised three boys to graduation, including my husband’s stepsons, who were required to attend school regularly and live at home until they completed their studies. We plan to implement the same rules with our younger daughters.

Abby, I am puzzled as to why my husband is hesitant about enforcing rules such as not allowing Amelia to move out before her graduation, especially not to live with her boyfriend, and addressing her consistent school absences. — STERN STEPMOM IN KANSAS

DEAR STEPMOM: Your husband may fear that Amelia is too headstrong to be reasoned with and worry that if he asserts himself, his daughter will become estranged. 

You described yourself as “Stern Stepmom.” If the way you demonstrate that is by insisting your husband’s children graduate with a basic education, I don’t consider it heavy-handed. However, if there is more to it, Amelia may be moving out to get away from you. 

Perhaps a different approach might be more effective. Amelia is old enough to be talked with “woman to woman.” If you can impress upon her that you and her father care only about her welfare, that the decisions she is making now will affect her entire future, perhaps she will be more open to hearing your message. The fact that she’s moving out is less important than failing to complete her education and get that high school diploma. Let that be your focus when you and her dad speak to her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker who loves to bake. She’s actually wonderful at it and brings a baked item for our birthdays. We have a small office of six. 

Unfortunately, she has quite a few plug-in air fresheners in her kitchen, so every item she brings in to share is saturated with perfume. No one wants to say anything because she is extremely sensitive and would be crushed. Is there a way to put it gently? — TASTING IT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TASTING: If the oil from her air fresheners is transferring to the treats your co-worker brings, someone needs to discreetly take her aside and speak up. A way to phrase it would be: 

“You are always so generous in bringing birthday goodies for everyone, and we really appreciate it. But the last time we tried your fabulous chocolate cake we noticed the scent of Jungle Gardenia (or Alpine Pine, etc.). Do you think it might have come from your plug-in air freshener? It would be a shame if the fragrances affected the quality of your wonderful baked goods. Unplugging the air freshener during the baking and cooling would probably do the trick.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.