DEAR ABBY: My husband, when he was a teenager about two decades ago, had a two-year online relationship with a girl in Georgia. They met only a few times. Now, we’re all in our 30s, and occasionally, they text or email each other.

It bothers me that they keep in contact, especially since they express missing each other. My husband insists they were supportive friends during their youth. On a recent trip to Florida, he suggested we stop in Georgia to visit her, so I could also meet her. He claims that since they never had a physical relationship, they weren’t really dating. I feel like my concerns about this connection are being dismissed. What should I do, Abby? — UNCERTAIN IN CHICAGO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: It seems you possibly rejected the stopover in Georgia. If that’s the case, it might have been the wrong move. Your husband’s relationship with her was during his teenage years, and it’s natural for those memories to be significant to them. You’ve mentioned their communication is infrequent. How exactly does that pose a threat to you? Trying to control this situation might push your husband away, not closer. Focus on addressing your insecurities and try to be more relaxed. Doing so could enhance your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: After six years of working closely together, I have developed a raging crush on my co-worker and project partner, “Brett.” It’s a full-on, face-flushing, daydreaming kind of situation, and it’s super annoying. I know this crush is inappropriate and unreciprocated, and I have no intention of acting on it. We are both married, and I would like to stay that way. My strategy has been to spend less time together and work on not being a moron. 

I’ve changed my daily schedule so we don’t overlap as often. When we’re traveling, I book different flights so we’re not together all day, etc. The issue now is that I’ve heard from a different co-worker that Brett thinks I’m mad at him and that he’s done something wrong, which is not the case. He’s great, always professional and very good at his job. I don’t want to keep hurting his feelings, but there’s no way I’m going to tell him what’s going on. Besides quitting or going on leave until I can get myself under control, what can I do? — STRICTLY BUSINESS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRICTLY: To discuss your crush with Brett would be not only embarrassing but also unprofessional. The co-worker who told you Brett thinks you are mad at him may have intended to be helpful, but unless Brett tells you himself, do not make excuses for distancing yourself. The surest way to get your crush under control is to keep reminding yourself that this kind of thing could destroy your career. That may work even better than a cold shower. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.