DEAR ABBY: I am facing a dilemma following the recent passing of my ex-wife. Before her death, she bequeathed a home solely in her name to our adult children, one in their 20s and the other in their 30s. Both have been deeply affected by her loss. Unfortunately, the property they inherited is not only in a state of disrepair but also requires extensive renovations to comply with zoning regulations and permits.

I am financially stable and have recently received a significant settlement from a personal injury lawsuit. In light of my children’s emotional distress, I have been providing them with financial assistance during this difficult period. I have allocated a substantial amount of money towards repairing their inherited home, in addition to assisting with their rent and day-to-day expenses.

However, my long-time girlfriend, with whom I share a residence, has strongly objected to my financial support for my children. She has expressed anger towards me for utilizing what she perceives as “our retirement funds” on them. She criticizes me for not encouraging them to become self-sufficient and questions my priorities for prioritizing their needs over ours. Furthermore, she has never seen eye to eye with my children and has consistently harbored negative feelings towards them, accusing me of pampering them whenever I have assisted them in the past.

I am furious that my girlfriend, who has never had children, can’t understand my desire to help. I feel it’s my moral obligation as their dad to be there for them, and I’m fortunate that I can do it. Isn’t it the right thing to do as a parent to help as much as possible? Is my girlfriend out of line? This has damaged our relationship, and I’m concerned it may be completely off the rails. — GOOD GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GOOD GUY: I don’t know the intimate details of your financial situation, the relationship you have with your companion or to what degree your generosity may impact your future. Of course it’s natural for loving parents to want to help their children. But tens of thousands of dollars is a lot of money. Because of the emotions involved, the logical choice for advice on this subject would be your CPA and your attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend (attorney) who is married to a dermatologist. Nearly every time this friend interacts with a medical provider, he is dissatisfied and feels he is being ripped off. He attests that doctors order unnecessary tests and deliberately overcharge. He does this vociferously and repeatedly. 

I’m a retired medical professional and consumer of health services myself, so I am certainly aware that many parts of our health care system are a mess. I do not know how to stop his rants. I try to change the subject, but nearly every conversation is the same. — TIRED OF LISTENING

DEAR TIRED: You are not a hostage. The next time this friend raises the subject, tell him you have heard his complaints, there is nothing you can do about them, you would prefer to discuss something positive when you’re together and change the subject.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.