DEAR ABBY: I am currently residing five hours away from my hometown where my 98-year-old mother lives in an assisted living facility. Unfortunately, I have observed my younger sister displaying cruel behavior towards our mother and attempting to take advantage of her in recent times.

Instead of assisting our mom, my sister goes out of her way to upset her intentionally and trigger her blood pressure to rise. Shockingly, she has been involved in disturbing acts such as placing dog feces on our deceased brother’s grave and stealing a gun from our mother’s residence. She even went as far as threatening to take away our mom’s recliner while she was seated in it. The disruptive behavior of my sister has led to significant problems at the assisted living facility, causing great distress to our dear mother who cherishes the care she receives there.

Together with my older brother, we have consulted with a lawyer to secure an order prohibiting my sister from trespassing and having any contact at the facility where our mother resides. This legal process is currently underway. It is important to note that my sister portrays a completely different persona within her church community, successfully portraying herself as a victim. What steps would you recommend we take moving forward to address the actions of this uncontrollable and hostile sibling? — ASHAMED SIS IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR SIS: The term for what your sister has been doing is elder abuse. Stealing and threatening to do something that would cause great bodily harm qualifies. Continue working with the attorney on the no-contact order and let the process play out. Your mother’s doctors should be told what has been going on. What the worshippers in her church think about her should be of no consequence. 

DEAR ABBY: I’m 55 and have been married for 15 years. I have two kids, ages 22 and 25. Both are on their own, living their own lives. My wife is 45. She has a 25-year-old son who has a four-year degree in computer science and claims he can’t find a job. He refuses to look for other employment to fill in until something opens up in computers. He stays up half the night getting high and playing games online, and sleeps until noon. He has a considerable amount in his savings and is able to play the stock market, so it’s not like he’s broke and can’t start living on his own. 

My wife won’t let go because he’s her only child. She and I have no alone time, no romantic nights and no dinners without him included. He’s always here and involved in everything, and I’m tired of it. I have reached a point in my life where I want to enjoy my time with my wife alone. 

We are shopping for a new house, but I’m ready to say we buy a house together alone, just the two of us, or I’m filing for divorce and buying a house by myself. I feel it’s way past time for him to be weaned from his mother and get his own life. Do you agree or am I being overly sensitive? — OVER IT IN ARIZONA

DEAR OVER IT: You are not being overly sensitive. Your wife appears to have a serious case of separation anxiety when it comes to her son, which is healthy for neither. I assume you have discussed this with her to no avail. If that’s not true, you should. If it IS true, then it’s time for marriage and family therapy with someone who is licensed. If your wife refuses to go, the alternative would be to schedule an appointment with an attorney who can help you “untie the knot.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.