DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband, “Evan,” for five years, and we’ve been married for 2 1/2 years. We are both in our early 40s, each with children from previous relationships. I’ve noticed that whenever something happens within his family, I need to constantly ask Evan for updates. He often makes me feel like an outsider rather than a member of his family. For example, his 19-year-old son, my stepson, struggles with alcohol and depression. Even when Evan receives updates, he only shares a small part or sometimes nothing at all. He might mention he’s worried about “his son” and then closes off the conversation, even though I’m concerned too. This isn’t the only time I’ve felt excluded from his family matters. I’ve tried discussing my feelings with him, but nothing has changed. How can I help him understand that I’m part of his family, just as he is of mine? — MERGED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MERGED: Not every partner excels in communication. The issue may lie in how you’re seeking information from Evan. As the boy’s stepmother and a full-fledged family member, you might have better luck approaching your stepson directly for updates instead of relying solely on your husband.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 72-year-old who has experienced the loss of two wives to cancer. Two years after my last wife passed away, I moved back to my hometown to be closer to family. There, I met an amazing 27-year-old woman on a dating site and have become quite taken with her. I sense she feels similarly about me. Neither of us is overly concerned about what others think regarding our age difference. My question is, am I foolish for considering proposing to her? My family knows about our relationship and hasn’t commented on the age gap, but I suspect her parents might have concerns, especially since I’m older than they are. I’d appreciate an external perspective to help me decide if I’m on the right path. — OVER THE MOON IN OHIO
DEAR OVER: Have you spent significant time with this young woman face-to-face, or has most of your interaction been online? Given your serious intentions, it’s wise to take things slowly before hastily heading back to the altar. Invest time in truly knowing her, and allow her parents to meet and understand you as well. By doing so, you can ensure a smoother path to engagement and perhaps prevent future issues.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I, married for nearly 28 years, often disagree on how I respond to her “negative” questions. For instance, if we are indeed going out and I am ready, she might ask, “Are we not leaving yet?” I respond with “No” because I am ready and waiting. To me, a negative reply to her negative question translates to a positive response. Can you clarify who is correct in this situation? — FRUSTRATED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FRUSTRATED: The logic of your response is not the problem. Either way, deliberately irritating your wife is wrong.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.