DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I uncovered that the man I grew up calling Dad was not my biological father. For years, I harbored suspicions and confronted my mother twice, only to be met with angry denials. She insisted that he was indeed my father. Sadly, he passed away in 1989. Recently, I learned that he had known the truth about my parentage all along.
Thanks to a cousin, I discovered my DNA profile and reached out to my biological father in 2020. We have met twice and maintain a friendly relationship. I sent him and his wife a Christmas card, which he appreciated with a phone call. He expressed his happiness that I had reached out. I also call him around his birthday, though I haven’t sent a card.
Would it be strange to acknowledge him on Father’s Day? I’ve been ignoring the day, given that he wasn’t a dad in my life, but everyone involved knows he is my father, including his other daughter. I find myself wanting to send a card or perhaps make a call. Is this more about me? I’d appreciate your guidance. — WONDERING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR WONDERING: It’s understandable that after losing the man you considered your father, you might seek a father figure. Why not have an open conversation with your biological father about how he feels about receiving a card or a call on Father’s Day? Ask what he would prefer, and let his response guide you.
DEAR ABBY: I planned a birthday dinner for my friend, “Sybil,” at an upscale restaurant to celebrate her special day. About a month prior, I mentioned to her that I had also invited another friend, as it was her birthday too. I thought it would be enjoyable for the three of us, especially since we seldom dine at such fine establishments.
I was the host, so I said that I would pay for all of us. Sybil said she wouldn’t go unless I “uninvited” the third person! A week after I refused to do that, I received an email saying “leave me alone” after I’d unsuccessfully tried to phone and set up an alternative date to celebrate, but at a less expensive restaurant. I could not afford to host two fine dining nights out.
That was five months ago. Now what? I won’t apologize for including another person at a dinner party I was hosting, but I am willing to move on. It took a mutual friend to explain to me why I got the “leave me alone” email. It never occurred to me that I could be wrong. I don’t think I was. Do you? — GOOD INTENTIONS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: It might have been better form to have asked Sybil if she would mind your including another birthday girl at the dinner before you did it, but not having done that was insufficient reason to excommunicate you. I do not think you owe her an apology. On the contrary, she owes you one for overreacting the way she did.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.