Dear Abby: My best friend is no longer a part of my life, but my wife is still in contact with him
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DEAR ABBY: My long-time best friend, “Ian,” has unexpectedly cut all ties. For over a decade, Ian and I shared our lives, discussing everything from our families to our jobs. We spent countless hours supporting each other through life’s ups and downs. In fact, Ian probably knew more about me than even my wife did. Then, without any explanation, he vanished — ignoring my texts, calls, and any attempt to reach out. It’s been two years since, and I’ve come to terms with it, removing him from my social media and social life.

The real issue now is my wife. While the rest of my family has distanced themselves from Ian, my wife continues to interact with him. They were once mere acquaintances, or so I thought, but now they engage frequently on social media, commenting on each other’s posts and playing online games together. When Ian initially ghosted me, my wife asked if she should stop playing with him online. I told her, “You’re a big girl. I can’t dictate your actions. But I hope you’ll choose wisely.” Unfortunately, she didn’t choose what I’d call the smart or loyal path.

The situation escalated when I learned that Ian and my wife were still communicating when one of Ian’s daughters got married. Upon confronting my wife, she remained silent about why she continues to engage with him. This is a huge concern for me, especially since Ian and I used to discuss personal issues, including our marriages. I’m at a loss for what to do next, struggling with the disbelief that my wife would maintain a connection with someone who caused me such pain. — UNEASY IN CANADA

DEAR UNEASY: When you told your wife she was free to continue her relationship with Ian, she likely interpreted it as your approval. Did you clearly express to her how deeply Ian’s actions hurt you? If not, now is the time to have that conversation. While I can’t predict her response, if she values your feelings, she may reconsider her contact with your former friend. It’s also worth asking if she knows the reason behind Ian’s sudden withdrawal from your friendship. Her insight may shed light on the situation.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I faced a severe illness, spending an extended period in the hospital followed by 20 days in rehabilitation to relearn how to walk. My daughter suggested I should move into a nursing home and give up on walking again. When I refused, she left in anger and hasn’t spoken to me since. Now, I’m back on my feet, working full-time and managing with a cane. I’m struggling to forgive her, as her support was something I deeply needed during that time. How can I mend this rift? — DISAPPOINTED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM: Why do I have the feeling that there are facts you may have omitted from your letter? Surely, this didn’t happen out of the blue. Your daughter’s reaction to the fact that you want to live independently is bizarre, unless she was afraid she might have to take care of you. It appears you raised a daughter who is lacking in character and compassion. Resolve this by walking your own path (literally) and deriving support from people who are capable of caring about you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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