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DEAR ABBY: I am grappling with a neurological disorder that has made it challenging to keep up with my once-close friends. I tend to keep the details of my condition to myself unless someone asks, which might be contributing to the distance I feel growing between us. Although I can still drive, walking is a struggle, and my incredible husband is my constant support. Despite my limitations, I’m grateful for what I can still accomplish.
My condition, polyneuropathy, coupled with the aftermath of seven back surgeries and arthritis in all my joints, means I live with continuous pain that isn’t visible to others. This often leaves people doubting my struggles. How do I convey the reality of my disability without sounding like I’m making excuses? I miss the connections and phone calls and want my friends to know there are activities I can still partake in. — DOWN BUT NOT OUT IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR DOWN: It seems that by not sharing your struggles, you’ve inadvertently created a barrier between yourself and your friends. Many disabilities are invisible, and your friends might misinterpret your silence as disinterest. It’s time for some open conversations with your closest friends about the hurdles you face. True friends will understand and make an effort to include you once they know you want them in your life. Start the dialogue, and it will likely ripple outwards.
DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, my niece got remarried and requested monetary gifts for their future home instead of traditional presents. Before the ceremony, I handed her my envelope containing cash and a card so she could keep it safe, bypassing the “money tree” setup. However, to date, I haven’t received any acknowledgment or thank you for my gift.
DEAR ABBY: My niece married her second husband two months ago. In lieu of gifts, they asked for money to be used toward a future house. Instead of adding to the “money tree,” I handed her my envelope with cash and a card, so she could put it away before the ceremony. I have not received any acknowledgement for the gift.
Our family was together recently to celebrate a birthday, and she still didn’t mention the gift. I could overlook the lack of a thank-you note with a verbal acknowledgement, a text or any sort of communication that she appreciated the gift. Should I mention this to her dad (my brother) or another aunt with whom she is close? She has also invited all the members of this side of the family to her home (in another city) but has yet to invite my husband and me. I am really disappointed in her actions, or lack thereof. Am I being too sensitive? — DISCONTENTED AUNT IN TEXAS
DEAR AUNT: You are not being too sensitive. Your niece’s lack of manners is hurtful and disappointing. If she couldn’t make the time to write you a note, she should have remembered to thank you for your gift when she saw you at the birthday celebration.
The fact that you and your husband have been excluded from her family gathering makes me wonder what else may be going on with her. Rather than “tattle” to her father, I don’t think you would be out of line to discuss it discreetly with the aunt you feel she’s close to and ask for some insight.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.