(AP) — A California man whose two cats died after drinking raw milk recalled for bird flu risk says he meant to keep his beloved pets healthy, but his efforts tragically backfired.

“It’s horrible when you realize that you’re the one that actually gave them the milk that killed them,” said Joseph Journell, 56, of San Bernardino.

Journell lost his 14-year-old tabby, Alexander, and Tuxsie, a 4-year-old tuxedo cat, in late November. A third cat, 4-year-old Big Boy, was hospitalized for a week before tests showed the animal was infected with the H5N1 bird flu virus.

The cats drank unpasteurized milk from lots recalled by Raw Farm, of Fresno, whose dairy products were pulled from California store shelves in December after health officials found the virus in milk for sale, he said. The animals’ deaths were confirmed by state and county health officials. The cats were kept indoors, with no access to potentially infected birds, and ate conventional, not raw, pet food, the owner said.

Journell said he had been drinking Raw Farm milk himself for several months because he heard it had “better immunity and healing properties” than pasteurized milk. He thought it might be able to help Alexander, who had been losing weight.

“I was trying to make him healthier and make him live longer,” Journell said.

Instead, Alexander died on Thanksgiving Day. Tuxsie followed two days later.

Big Boy was hospitalized and treated with antiviral medications, Journell said. The veterinary team collected urine samples from the cat, which were confirmed positive for H5N1 at labs run by the U.S. Agriculture Department and Cornell University, records show.

Big Boy returned home blind and without the use of his back legs, though he is recovering, Journell said. A fourth cat, Cleo, didn’t drink the milk and remained healthy.

Journell has demanded that Raw Farm owner Mark McAfee compensate him for the more than $12,000 he spent treating the cats, according Seattle food safety lawyer Ilana Korchia, who is representing him.

In an interview, McAfee disputed that the virus was capable of sickening the animals days after it was bottled and sold, citing preliminary research.

But Richard Webby, an influenza expert at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, said flu virus survival likely varies widely in different lots of milk. Experts with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention previously confirmed that cats that drank raw milk from infected cows developed neurological disease and died.

“I think the poor cats are the best indicator!” Webby wrote in an email.

Nearly a dozen cats in California have died since early December after consuming raw milk or raw pet food contaminated with bird flu, health officials have said.

The infections have followed a massive outbreak of the bird flu virus in dairy cows, which has affected more than 900 U.S. dairy herds in 16 states. About 80% of those herds are in California.

Federal and state health officials have warned people not to drink raw milk because of the potential for infection with bird flu and a host of other germs. Officials also have cautioned pet owners to avoid feeding unpasteurized milk and raw meat diets to their animals.

“Cats should not be fed any products from affected farms if those products have not been thoroughly cooked or pasteurized to kill the virus,” the FDA warned last month.

After the cats got sick, Journell said he fell ill himself and sought care at a Kaiser Permanente hospital in Fontana, Calif. He said he wasn’t checked for bird flu, despite his known exposure to the virus, because medical staff didn’t have tests available to detect it.

A Kaiser spokesperson declined to comment on Journell’s case specifically, but said the hospital system is following CDC guidelines for screening for bird flu.

Journell has recovered physically but said he’s still suffering from the “mental anguish” of losing his pets. Despite the ordeal, he said he still thinks raw milk offers some health benefits.

Nevertheless, he won’t be drinking it any time soon.

“Not right now,” he said. “And not in the foreseeable future.”