Dear Jane,

It was recently my birthday and, as a treat, my husband offered to make me a nice meal at home one night after work to celebrate.

I was thrilled – he doesn’t cook very often, so this was a big deal.

But that day, I got a notification on my phone that someone was at our front door and was shocked at what I saw on the doorbell camera footage.

My husband greeted a woman holding a colossal Uber Eats bag. It was way too much food for him to eat alone.

That’s when it hit me: he had ordered my birthday dinner to be delivered.

That evening, I got home to find a lavish meal displayed on the kitchen table. My husband was beaming proudly, insisting without flinching that he had spent a lot of time creating the meal.

In an effort to not ruin my special day, I just thanked him and enjoyed the food that he claimed he made.

Despite knowing he meant well on my birthday, his dishonesty has left me deeply upset and makes me question the sincerity of the person I married.

Should I tell him that I know he lied, or just let him think I bought it?

Sincerely,

Getting just desserts

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column

Dear Getting just desserts,

Forgive me, but you should get over it. 

Your husband clearly had the best of intentions, but was unable to live up to them, so he chose the next best option.

While he may have told you a white lie, it is ridiculous to hold it against him.

Who knows why he wasn’t able to cook. 

Perhaps he’s not good at cooking. Maybe something at work held him up, or it’s possible he did try to prepare something but ended up burning it.

What we do know is that he wanted to do something lovely for your birthday, and did so – even if it wasn’t to your liking. 

Griping over the fact that it wasn’t homemade, and that he did not tell you, is besides the point.

It’s not as if he forgot your birthday or had remembered and done nothing to make you feel special.

Life is where we look and I would try to reframe this narrative.

Instead of focusing on the fact that your husband lied, focus on the fact that he was trying to make you feel loved and special on your birthday.

Though, you should absolutely tell him that you know – more so as in jest rather than distaste. You can always gently rib him about his cooking skills and allow the two of you to laugh about this together.

Dear Jane,

I recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend after growing apart.

He was shattered – apparently, he hadn’t seen it coming.

The problem is, months ago, we booked a summer vacation to a beach resort, already paid for and nonrefundable.

We had both been looking forward to it, so he suggested that we still go on the trip despite calling it quits.

While it may sound strange, I’m considering going with him. After all, we ended on good terms and still care about each other, but I worry it might give him the wrong idea.

I’m concerned he will think there’s a chance we could get back together, which there is not.

Is it wrong to still go on the trip – that I partially paid for – and risk hurting his feelings?

Sincerely,

Guilt tripped

Dear Guilt tripped,

Going on a trip with your ex-boyfriend only sounds strange if you had a terrible break up and vowed never to see each other again.

We often think that breakups have to be acrimonious, but exes who grow apart, and decide they want different things in life, are often able to maintain lifelong friendships.

One of my close friends is someone I dated for a while in my twenties.

The fact that we briefly dated has never hindered our friendship and, to this day, I adore him.

The two of you must be on good terms if your ex is asking you to go on the trip.

I would, however, set some boundaries. 

Contact the hotel and ask for a room with two beds instead of just one, and have a serious conversation with your ex.

Tell him that you are delighted to remain friends and are looking forward to the trip together, but be clear about the reasons that pushed you apart – and that nothing romantic will happen between you. 

If he agrees and understands, the two of you might be able to have a lovely time.