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DEAR ABBY: I’m in a dilemma with a new friend of mine, and I’m unsure whether to reveal some unsettling information about her husband. Before our friendship deepened, I discovered that her husband had been sending explicit texts and nude photos to two women I’m acquainted with. He also has a habit of making inappropriate jokes. Recently, he sent me a message that crossed a line and made me uncomfortable, regardless of whether he intended it as a joke.
My partner and I have decided that we no longer want to socialize with them as a couple, which has put me in a tough spot. I care about my friend and am torn about whether she should be made aware of her husband’s behavior. What should I do? — TORN IN ARKANSAS
DEAR TORN: It’s important to be honest with your friend. Share the situation with her and explain this is the reason you and your partner have chosen not to spend time with her and her husband as a couple. If she doubts your account, suggest she speak directly with the women her husband has been in contact with. It’s crucial she knows, as this behavior could have serious implications for her marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My sister Maggie underwent brain surgery a year ago to remove a cyst, which left her with memory issues. She also struggles with obesity and balance problems. Recently, Maggie has been living with her daughter, enjoying time with her granddaughters. However, her daughter, who is expecting her third child, is part of a military family and will be relocating in seven months. We need to plan for Maggie’s future, but she refuses to entertain any discussions, insisting she’ll “just go home and die.” How can we help her? — WORRIED SISTER IN THE SOUTH
DEAR WORRIED SISTER: It’s vital to find a living arrangement for Maggie once her daughter moves. Since it’s unclear whether she can live independently, a thorough psychological and neurological assessment is essential. Consulting with a doctor specializing in neurology or geriatrics can provide insight into her capabilities and help determine the best course of action for her future care.
If Maggie can no longer live independently, the next step would be to research what assisted living facilities can provide her with the help she needs. If that is not feasible, a social worker may be able to assist in finding home care for your sister.
DEAR ABBY: A generous friend sent me an expensive gift, but it is something I already have. She can’t easily afford these gifts. I returned it to the merchant but, unfortunately, the refund will come to me instead of her. I would like to give my friend back the money.
She doesn’t need to give us anything in order to be our friend, but I worry that I’ll offend her. I have asked her many times to quit giving gifts, but she continues, and they aren’t gifts we can use. Her company is the only gift we need. Please advise. — PRESENCE, NOT PRESENTS
DEAR P.N.P.: I’ll try. Recognizing that this is a sensitive subject, have a conversation with this woman and explain that you treasure her friendship, but you do not need any more “things.” You have more of everything than you need. HOWEVER, if she is a baker, you would truly enjoy something from her oven. (“Nuthin’ sez lovin’ like …”)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.