DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who I have been encouraging to save money for unforeseen circumstances, and now that she is battling breast cancer, her lack of savings is a glaring issue. Despite having well-paying jobs, both she and her husband live paycheck to paycheck. To assist her during this tough time, I initiated a GoFundMe page. 

I have been updating everyone on her progress, but the reality is that she has a history of impulse spending, using windfalls on gambling, extravagant vacations, and dining out rather than setting money aside for emergencies. This behavior is now causing complications as she deals with her diagnosis. Potential donors, aware of her spending habits, hesitate to contribute. 

It is heart-wrenching to witness her struggles. However, she continues to indulge in costly habits despite needing to be frugal. Although I have tried to address this with her, she is in a delicate state physically and emotionally. I find myself torn between wanting to be there for her during this trying period and disapproving of her ongoing extravagant spending. 

I’m now planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, because it feels dishonest to beg for donations for someone who won’t prioritize her own financial recovery. What do you think, Abby? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass? — SYMPATHIZING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SYMPATHIZING: I think you should separate yourself from the GoFundMe project you started. As a good friend, you can continue supporting this woman emotionally, but you are not required to promote her getting money. If a recipient uses donated funds for a purpose other than what they are intended, it could be considered fraud.

DEAR ABBY: Our son, “Caleb,” and his fiancee, “Lucy,” are getting married next year. He is 26, and she is 24. Our last name is unusual and sounds like a dirty word when mispronounced, which it often is. After “a lot of thought,” Caleb has decided to legally take Lucy’s surname after their wedding. (She and her family are on board.) He was not asking his father’s or my permission, but informing us of his plans.

Caleb is our only son. We also have a daughter. I support my son’s decision, but his father does not. They no longer speak. My husband is also upset about future grandchildren carrying on a different family name. Abby, do you know of any men who have taken their wives’ surnames? — WANTS PEACE IN THE FAMILY

DEAR WANTS PEACE: You may want peace, but it isn’t up to you to solve this dilemma. Changing one’s name for the reason your son stated may be unusual, but it isn’t unheard of. Some couples decide to blend their names, as one former mayor of Los Angeles did. While your husband may be disappointed about the path your son has chosen, the decision is not his to make.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.