DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is in her early 80s, seems to be distancing herself from me and my siblings more frequently these days. This wasn’t the case in the past. She used to welcome my husband, our children, and me to stay with her during our visits. Even last year, after she suffered a fall and got injured, she allowed me to stay with her for a few days to assist her.

My siblings have mentioned that they feel she has been withdrawing from them for some time, but I really only picked up on it over the last year. Our phone conversations have grown shorter as well. Although we’ve lived more than five hours apart since I left home after high school, I always made an effort to call her regularly. If I forgot, she would call to check in on me. Nowadays, if I don’t call, I don’t hear from her. She often asks about my family, but then quickly ends the call before I can inquire about her well-being.

Is this behavior typical? Could she be keeping something from us? Is her health declining? Should my siblings and I be concerned, or is she simply choosing to take a step back as she ages? We love her dearly and consider her a wonderful mom, but having an upfront conversation isn’t our usual way. What’s the best approach? — CONCERNED ABOUT MOM

DEAR CONCERNED: It may not be the norm for your family, but it’s time all of you visited Mom together and told her that her change in behavior has you worried because it is out of character. Tell her your siblings fear she is avoiding them because she is “over them.” (Could that be true? Are they overly dependent on her?) Tell her you love her and are concerned because any extreme change in behavior in an older person can be a symptom of illness and should be checked out. Then listen to what she has to say.

DEAR ABBY: I moved in with two friends last year, and while I have enjoyed staying with them, it’s starting to become stressful. One roommate drinks and becomes verbally abusive to me and his boyfriend. It became physical once, and he hit me in the face and blackened my eye. He’s my friend, and I care about him, but I don’t know how much longer I can remain living here.

I feel like if I leave, I’m giving up on him. He’s a really nice person when he’s sober, very helpful and generous. I just don’t know what to do. Do I leave? Do I cut off the friendship? I want to help him, but I’m not sure how. — FEARFUL FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: Tell your abusive alcoholic roommate when he’s sober that, while you admire his personality when he’s not drinking, you can no longer tolerate the person he becomes when he’s drunk, which is why you are leaving.

Suggest that when he’s ready to deal with his problem, he should find some Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery meetings. (There are usually more than one in most communities.) Do not be surprised if he becomes defensive; most addicts do when confronted. While you can’t “fix” this friend, you have every right to take care of yourself, and moving will be healthier for you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.