LETTER TO ABBY: I am dating someone I’ve known for a long time and on our first date, he confessed that he has tried several times to divorce his ex-spouse, with no success. They live in different states, and every attempt to end the marriage has faced obstacles.

I am soon starting nursing school and seeking a convenient relationship that can fit around my busy schedule. While we have discussed the idea of being exclusive, we have agreed that marriage is not on the table due to his current marital status and financial limitations preventing him from hiring a lawyer. I view our relationship as a friendship with added benefits for companionship. Is this arrangement acceptable? — FACING A DILEMMA IN UTAH

RESPONSE FROM ABBY: It appears that you have a good grasp of the nature of your relationship with this individual. If both of you are comfortable with the arrangement and his current wife is also in agreement, then there seems to be no issue from my standpoint. Is that acceptable to you?

DEAR ABBY: I live with a wonderful partner. We share the duties of building a beautiful life around us. However, our mutual friends seem to praise my partner, but not me. I wonder if this may be my fault. I always say good things about him, while I discover many negative issues raised about me. Once, when I confronted him about it, the response was: “Aren’t you talking about me with other people?” I have never said a bad thing about him to anyone. Am I creating a circle of hate around myself? — CIRCLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CIRCLED: No, you are not. If your partner has a complaint about you, he should discuss it with you rather than the people with whom you socialize. The expression “circle of hate” seems extreme, but your “wonderful” partner painting you in a negative light hardly enhances your image, and it should be stopped. That won’t happen until you finally draw the line and make clear that what he’s been doing is unacceptable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a terrible habit. He loves to order dessert first and asks that it be served to him after the waitstaff takes everyone’s order. Last night, we were at a birthday party with 15 adults in a restaurant and he did it again. 

They served a wonderful cake for dessert, which he enjoyed at the end of the meal, as well as his pie at the beginning when no one else was having anything but drinks. He says it wasn’t rude, but I disagree. Please, what say you? — BACKWARDS IN IOWA

DEAR BACKWARDS: This may be less a question of whether your husband is rude for indulging his yen for sugar than is it healthy for him. How’s his weight? His blood sugar levels? Any diabetes in the family? What does his doctor think about it?

While ordering dessert before dinner and again afterward is unusual, I’m not sure it is rude. It may, however, be a bid for attention.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.