DEAR ABBY: My husband’s closest friend, “Herb,” who we also know as “Mr. Cheapo,” is getting married for the third time. For his wedding, Herb has the idea that guests should pay for their own meals. I advised my husband that this approach might lead to another unsuccessful marriage. Besides, he’s also having his fiancée sign a prenuptial agreement just like he did with his past two marriages. I’m quite concerned thinking about how people might decline the invitation or withhold gifts since attendees have costs to cover as well.

I’m contemplating going against my husband’s advice and educating Herb on wedding etiquette. Despite this, Herb really is a good person, polite and well-mannered. I know that his frugality ended his second marriage and another relationship afterwards, as both women complained to me before they left. Is it my place to talk to Herb about this? — SEEING THE INEVITABLE

DEAR “SEEING”: Based on your description of Herb, it seems his actions are not due to a lack of awareness. If you wish to help, you might discreetly recommend to his fiancée that she have her own lawyer review any prenuptial agreement he presents to her, ensuring she isn’t caught off guard in the future. She might even consider presenting her own prenup to him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old mother of two, a wife and a full-time teacher. My days are long, busy and usually uneventful. Every evening, I am expected to call my 84-year-old mother, who lives a few states away. I oblige, of course, listening patiently to all of her stories, ranting and gossip.

If, for any reason, I happen to fall asleep or forget to call, it’s as if my face will be plastered on a milk carton. The texts and emails start, as well as calls and texts to my husband and sometimes even my children. 

Abby, I have tried explaining that this leaves me annoyed and frustrated, only to be dismissed with, “Well guess what X said today?” Or, “Did I tell you what R said to J?” (Yes, you did, in fact, twice already). Should I bite my tongue or insist on a better schedule that will hopefully prove to be mutually beneficial? It’s difficult to engage in meaningful conversations when they are forced and mostly one-sided. — BURDENED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BURDENED: It is within your power to curtail the schedule your mother has instituted. However, doing so will require a conversation with her that may not be pleasant for either of you. Tell her you will call her once (or twice) a week, because talking daily isn’t working for you. Tell her that if she wants to gossip, she should do it with her contemporaries rather than demand you listen on a daily basis. 

Be prepared for the fact that she isn’t going to like it. If she calls your husband or children to complain, ask them to please reiterate to her that you are fine, but you are too busy to talk, and that she should expect your calls at the agreed-upon time.

P.S. If her memory is faulty, she should be evaluated by her doctor.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.