My brother recently got engaged to someone our family isn’t fond of. They’ve been together for 2 1/2 years, and she doesn’t seem to click with us like his previous girlfriends. As he’s aging and his peers are settling down, it feels like he’s under pressure. There are noticeable changes in his behavior since he started seeing her – frequent job changes, less time for family, and more arguments between them.

As the eldest sibling, many feel I should bring up our reservations about his fiancée. But would it be too harsh to outright say it’s a bad match? I was thinking of expressing my support for him if he can identify at least three positive traits in her, as none of us can pinpoint any. – Concerned Sibling on the East Coast

Telling your brother that his fiancée is the “worst of all time” and that the family sees no good in her would likely not be well-received. Instead, you could express your worries as he and his partner frequently argue. Suggesting they consider premarital counseling to address any issues early on might be a more constructive approach. Ultimately, all you can do is offer your perspective and hope that he takes your advice to heart.

DEAR ABBY: Even though we live just an hour away and would like to celebrate holidays with my elderly parents, they prefer to spend them with their friends. This started when my family lived 14 hours away. We’d come home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas each year. If we weren’t home, my parents got together with a group of childless buddies. This worked out great — they weren’t alone, and I didn’t feel guilty.

We moved back home three years ago, primarily to be near family again.

However, my parents spend all the major holidays with their buddies, even if my family is home alone. Then my mom asks me to host an alternate holiday so the family can get together. Last year, I tried to talk it through with her. I said it was hurtful that she chose to spend holidays with her friends and asked her to consider family plans first. But she was soon up to her old tricks. I’m 53, but I still want my mom and dad. What should I do? — NEEDY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NEEDY: Because “talking it through” with your mother hasn’t worked, it’s time for you to start making other plans for the major holidays.

You are only as home alone as you want to be. You and your husband could travel or join a local group and do some volunteering for those less fortunate than you in your community.

It’s time to take a page out of your mother’s playbook and do what she did, which is to declare some independence from her.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.