DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, I began receiving distressing phone calls from an unknown man who claimed to have explicit videos of me. I have no idea where such footage could possibly have come from. In an attempt to put an end to the harassment, I changed my phone number; however, the man managed to obtain my new contact information and continued the disturbing calls.
Over time, the incessant phone calls ceased, and I’ve been free from them for many years. However, I recently received a Facebook friend request from a suspicious account lacking any profile details. This person then messaged me, referencing a video and bombarding me with inappropriate sexual remarks. In response, I took the drastic step of deleting all my social media accounts.
My concern is this: What if there actually exists a video of which I am unaware? How should I proceed if such a video is leaked to the public? — SCARED AND EMBARRASSED
DEAR SCARED AND EMBARRASSED: The experiences you’ve described constitute harassment and potential extortion. It’s crucial for you to report these incidents to law enforcement authorities. I believe the existence of a video is highly unlikely and suspect this could be part of a broader scam.
Nevertheless, if a video does exist and is released, I suggest maintaining your dignity and responding confidently to inquiries. You can acknowledge that, like many adults worldwide, you have a personal life. This approach will also help in identifying who created such content, providing you with more evidence to present to the authorities.
DEAR ABBY: I am 70. My sister is 68, and her husband is 80. He has kidney failure and needs 24/7 care. Our mother is 98. She lives independently in a condo and is mentally fully functional, but she can’t cook or do housekeeping anymore. (She has cleaning help.)
My sister and I take turns making Mom warm meals, and my sister also does some light housekeeping. It takes one to two hours. My sister does this three times a week while her husband is at dialysis at a nearby facility. She also has my mother’s medical and financial powers of attorney and prefers to be the one to take care of things.
I am in fairly good health but have some medical issues that may eventually make it difficult (or even impossible) to travel. This fall, I plan to go to Europe for three weeks. I would like to have someone come in to help my mom three times a week while I am gone. I would introduce this person ahead of time so that Mom could get to know them and I could show them what needs to be done.
Unfortunately, Mom doesn’t want anyone other than my sister and me to care for her. My sister’s plate is already more than full, so I don’t want to add to it. Is it unreasonable of me to expect my mother to accept outside help? — PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Your plan is not unreasonable, but it’s common for someone your mother’s age to resist change. Remind her that the clock is ticking on your travel opportunities, and emphasize that the arrangement is only temporary. Tell her you will call to check in while you’re away, and promise to bring back lots of photos and stories to share with her when you resume your normal caregiving routine.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.