DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are fortunate to have friends who are truly kind-hearted, intelligent, and welcoming. Yet, as we’ve got to know them better, we’ve encountered a challenge with “Phyllis” and her endless talking. Her monologues can last indefinitely, monopolizing whoever is seated next to her.
Phyllis tends to speak without even glancing at her listener and rarely acknowledges interjections. She mentioned she’s hard of hearing and does wear a hearing aid, but it feels like this issue goes beyond just hearing difficulties.
We now face a tricky situation as they have booked themselves on a cruise with us. We didn’t invite them, but when we mentioned our plans, they decided it would be a fun idea to tag along. Facing the prospect of dining together nightly, subjected to her endless chatter, threatens to cast a shadow over what is meant to be a rare and cherished vacation for us. Is there any tactful way to maintain a conversational balance without offending them? — DREADING IT IN OREGON
DEAR DREADING IT: Before the cruise embarks, it’s crucial for either you or your husband to express to your friends that the purpose of your trip is to enjoy some dedicated time together and to mingle with new faces. This means you won’t be available to dine with them every evening or join in every activity together. Be upfront about your intentions to blend relaxation with new experiences.
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DEAR ABBY: My wife of 48 years recently died, and my stepson put some artificial flowers on her grave. I was surprised to see this when I visited on the eight-month anniversary of her death. Both my wife and I always considered artificial flowers tacky and not appropriate for cemeteries, even though lots of people decorate gravesites with them.
I haven’t said anything to him about my feelings about plastic flowers, but I would like to prevent more of them from being placed when these fade away. How can I ask him to not put any more plastic flowers on the grave, or should I just ignore it? I’m less likely to visit her grave when these flowers are there. — MOURNING IN ALABAMA
DEAR MOURNING: Your stepson may not realize how his mother felt about plastic flowers, so mention it to him the next time you talk. If he doesn’t visit his mother’s grave often, he may not realize that they have been removed, which I suggest you do if seeing them would discourage your visits.
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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 40 years, but it’s a platonic relationship with no communication on his part. I must run the household, make sure bills get paid and be responsible for everything — whatever life throws at us. My health is waning, and I’m concerned for my future. I have tried talking, counseling, etc., to no avail. What do I do? — FED UP IN UTAH
DEAR FED UP: Because, after 40 years, you are finally fed up enough that you might actually do something about it, I’m suggesting some sessions with a different counselor than the one you have been seeing. You stated that you are the one who takes care of the house, pays the bills, etc. Has your husband been earning the money? If so, then you might also benefit from interviewing several attorneys about what your options might be if you no longer wish to carry the whole load alone.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.