DEAR ABBY: Recently, I organized a family get-together that included my adult cousin and his spouse, who reside nearby, as well as my son, his wife, and their child, who traveled all the way from Georgia to Pennsylvania for the occasion.
Since my son and his family seldom have the chance to connect with relatives, I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to bring everyone together. However, during the event, my son barely acknowledged our cousins. Both he and his wife seemed disengaged, frequently checking their phones and appearing restless, as if eager for the gathering to conclude.
My son works as a neurosurgeon, and his wife is a nurse practitioner. They’re both in their early 40s, which made their behavior all the more surprising and embarrassing for me.
The following day, I reached out to them, expressing my disappointment over their conduct. Unfortunately, my message went unanswered. I sent a follow-up to confirm they received my initial message, but once again, I was met with silence.
I’m left feeling embarrassed for my cousins and deeply disappointed by my son and daughter-in-law’s actions. This lack of communication has left me with no outlet for my emotions, making me feel physically ill and helpless to resolve the situation. What can I do? — BEST OF INTENTIONS
DEAR BEST: How socially aware are your son and daughter-in-law? Were they on their phones because of some medical problem that sprang up in their absence? Could they have been uncomfortable because you foisted these relatives on them with no warning?
I keep looking for excuses that might explain their rudeness to the relatives. But I can find none for their ignoring your messages other than that they simply do not care. You should be furious. But please, don’t turn it inward, because THAT is what is making you ill.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a mature female who hasn’t been in any kind of relationship for 25 years. When I realized I needed and wanted a relationship with someone compatible, I went on a dating site and found someone. But I messed up because I was insecure.
I wanted more communication, and he is involved in many activities, which I understood. I tried to call him twice, but he didn’t pick up. I thought he was still communicating with other women on the dating site. I went to his house and told him I had moved on because I hadn’t heard from him, and he didn’t answer my calls. He said he broke his phone and was dealing with a son in jail and a sick mother.
I don’t know if he was telling the truth or not, but if it’s true, that’s a lot of things to deal with. I felt awful and knew I had ruined things because of my impatience. I texted him, and I’m waiting to hear back. I really like him. We had been intimate, but I’m afraid I’ve lost him. What do I do? — ANXIOUS IN INDIANA
DEAR ANXIOUS: Sometimes, mature people can react immaturely. Once your insecurities took over, you came on a little too strong. Apologize for it and tell him that you have not “moved on.” But realize that the ball will be in his court, and if you don’t hear from him in a reasonable amount of time, you will have to look elsewhere for companionship.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.