DEAR ABBY: I’ve been friends with “Doug” for 30 years. Although I moved away, we still meet up once or twice a year. I’ve known his wife longer than him and have seen their son grow up, even joining in his sports events and helping out with school fundraisers.

Recently, I’ve heard rumors about Doug making inappropriate advances and touching women in our friend circle. I was even present once when it happened. Unfortunately, there have been multiple accusations. While I didn’t directly witness the incidents, the subsequent behavior I’ve observed now adds up.

I’m feeling a mix of emotions – sadness, disappointment, and some anger. Due to one of the victims being a close friend, I’ve distanced myself from Doug. I carry guilt for continuing the relationship as if nothing had happened. Despite being pressed by Doug’s wife and son to visit, I find it hard to do so. Now that I’m partially retired, I’m running out of justifications. I can’t simply disappear, but I don’t want to be the one to break up their family. At the same time, I don’t want to disregard the victim’s experience. Is there a way to navigate this situation? – TORN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TORN: I will assume that the friend Doug touched inappropriately told you what happened, and you didn’t hear about it secondhand. If that’s the case, the rumors are credible. Did this change in Doug’s behavior happen because he was drunk or otherwise impaired? If the answer is no, he may have a medical problem and need to be evaluated by his doctor. 

If you are really a friend of his wife’s, tell her what you were told, that rumors are being circulated and that you are concerned about him. It may not be news she wants to hear, but it’s important she be told.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who recently found a new job with a group of people I am getting to know and like. One of my siblings died by suicide a little more than 10 years ago. I miss her very much, but I have moved through the phases of grief, accepted it and moved on. 

We had a party at work recently. People were talking about family and siblings, and it came my turn to speak of my siblings. I said I have two, but one is deceased. I felt like it wasn’t the ideal response in this situation, which I have been in several times over the years. What would be the best way to answer a question regarding a deceased sibling? I don’t want to forget her and all the great memories I had with her. — AWKWARD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR AWKWARD: You handled the situation appropriately. You are not obligated to discuss the death by suicide of a sibling, or any other relative for that matter, during a party. To do otherwise would certainly have sobered the celebratory atmosphere. This is something that is better discussed privately if you wish to.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.