DEAR ABBY: I have spent the last 12 years working alongside “Bev,” a coworker whose presence I find insufferable. While I cherish my position and get along well with other colleagues, they all share my sentiment regarding Bev. In her late 50s, she embodies a domineering and bullying disposition, carrying an air of entitlement that alienates most people in the workplace. The odd thing is, despite her abrasive nature, she counts me as one of her two friends here, with the other being our supervisor, “Janet.” I suspect Janet only tolerates Bev as I do.
Throughout the day, Bev bombards me with phone calls, each one a testament to her self-absorption. Conversations quickly delve into her personal life, and she often adopts a demeaning, controlling tone. She frequently claims to be overwhelmed with work, yet manages to offload her responsibilities onto others and brazenly takes credit for their efforts. The mere sight of her number on my caller ID drains me, and I often feel like hurling my phone in frustration.
The underlying issue intensifies because Bev’s other so-called friend is Janet. Bev is notorious for boasting that any criticism will reach the boss’s ears, creating a chilling effect for those of us who dare to speak out about her behavior. Her constant calls, up to ten a day, keep me on the line for extended chats about her life, only to be followed by her claims of how busy she is. It’s impacting my mental health, and I worry about reaching a breaking point without jeopardizing my job. Help is desperately needed. — VAMPIRE VICTIM
DEAR VAMPIRE VICTIM: Are you certain that Janet views Bev as a friend? Regular conversations don’t necessarily equate to mutual enjoyment. Since everyone seems to harbor negative feelings about Bev, it’s unlikely Janet hasn’t picked up on this.
I suggest having a discreet conversation with Janet. Share specific examples of the excessive calls, the belittling tone, and her overall rudeness. Ask Janet directly how she feels about Bev using their supposed friendship as a shield against social repercussions. If Janet aligns herself entirely with Bev — which is questionable — at least you’ll have a clearer picture of your standing in the office dynamics.
DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend I would really like to get to know better. I would love to date him. We are both divorced and have relatives who no longer speak to us. I know he’s single and not seeing anyone.
I haven’t had a relationship in three years. I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m a bit overweight but I have a great personality. I can’t understand why I can’t get a man interested in me. What can I do to get this man (or any man) interested in me? — READY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR READY: You say your personality isn’t the problem. Not every man finds skinny women attractive. However, if you suspect that your weight is what’s keeping him (and other men) away, it may be time to address it. Talk with your doctor about a healthy eating plan and join a gym.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.