Cabin crew training prepares us for almost every situation imaginable. We learn first aid, how to reassure anxious flyers and how to respond when something goes wrong in the air.
What nobody particularly looks forward to is learning how to deal with passengers who slap your backside while you serve their drinks, aggressive travellers under the influence of Valium or a first-class passenger covered in wine-fuelled vomit.
So when I read Unite’s latest survey detailing the abuse and harassment faced by aviation workers, I recognised the picture immediately. The union found that 74 per cent of Gatwick staff experience verbal abuse every month, while 42 per cent have faced physical abuse. For years, that was simply part of my working life.
Alcohol was identified as the leading cause by 95 per cent of cabin crew questioned.
Most grown adults believe they know their limits. Some are remarkably sure they can combine large amounts of alcohol with prescription drugs intended to calm them down, or with recreational substances.
But a pressurised aircraft cabin at 35,000ft is an exceptionally poor place to test that confidence. Cabin crew are often left managing the consequences.
We are usually assessing passengers long before the first drink is served. Travellers may think our attention wanders once the bar service begins, but that is often when we start watching most carefully. Behind the professional smile, I’m working out who needs monitoring, who should be slowed down and who must not be offered another bottle of wine.
After 25 years as cabin crew, I became extremely good at reading people. I sometimes think I could spot trouble more quickly than a CIA agent.
Cabin crew training prepares staff for everything from first aid and anxious passengers to serious emergencies
The vodka bottle hidden inside a designer handbag? I noticed it immediately.
The supposedly business-minded colleagues who boarded with laptops and ended up holding hands? Not so subtle.
The couple becoming increasingly drunk and argumentative? I would already be checking whether another seat was available.
These are some of the incidents that stayed with me during my years working in the skies.
Pre-flight loaders
In my experience, groups of women were generally less likely than groups of men to become completely drunk before or during a flight.
A woman travelling alone could be different, particularly when a delay was involved. Some would spend the waiting time ordering large 250ml glasses of wine at the airport bar beside the departure gate.
Ground staff would occasionally alert us to passengers they believed needed watching.
On one flight, we were held at the gate for 30 minutes before departure. A woman was slumped in her seat, wearing a Panama hat and speaking rapidly to her son on the telephone.
She was also drinking from a bottle concealed in her Mulberry handbag, apparently convinced it was hidden from view. It wasn’t.
I repeatedly asked her to put her phone away and switch it off. Each time, she agreed, only to turn it back on a few minutes later.
The situation became absurdly repetitive. Eventually I warned her that she could be removed from the aircraft. That finally worked. I put the phone in her handbag and placed it in the overhead locker. Once we were airborne, she caused no further trouble and slept through most of the journey.
Cocaine risks
‘He was at least six feet tall. I’m five foot two. As he approached the aircraft door, it became increasingly obvious he intended to try to open it’
Passengers affected by drugs or alcohol can create serious safety risks. On a daytime flight to Spain, I noticed a young man with unusually wide pupils.
He kept rubbing his nose and talking rapidly to the passenger beside him. I suspected he had taken cocaine, although I could not prove it.
His conduct soon became much more alarming. Halfway through the flight, he announced loudly that he needed to get off, stood up and headed towards an emergency exit.
He was more than six feet tall; I am barely five foot two. As he approached the aircraft door, it became increasingly obvious that he meant to try to open it. I shouted, “You are not going to do that.”
Even now, I’m not sure how I managed to turn him around and guide him back to his seat. I was young, and it was the first time I had dealt with someone apparently so intoxicated or drug-affected. Only afterwards did I remember that I should have reported the incident immediately to the purser responsible for cabin safety.
I sincerely hope his name and seat details were added to a passenger ban list.
Tipsy colleagues
After an incident like that, even alcohol-fuelled flirtations can seem almost harmless. Two passengers might board together looking clearly like colleagues on a business trip. For the first hour, they work side by side on their laptops.
Then the drinks begin. She orders Prosecco, he chooses gin and tonic, and the mood gradually shifts. Before long, they are laughing, touching and behaving far more like a couple than business partners.
Sometimes hands vanish beneath blankets. On other occasions, both disappear into the lavatory together.
One pair were staying in the same hotel as the crew. After watching their relationship blossom during the flight, we saw them continuing to cuddle up together in the hotel bar that evening.
In-flight infighting
At the opposite end of the romantic scale are couples who appear to be breaking up at 35,000ft.
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One couple travelling with their two children and the children’s grandparents had a spectacular argument in economy class.
She began provoking him before the seatbelt sign had even been turned off. By cruising altitude, she was swearing quietly in his direction. It was clear she had been drinking heavily, and I watched in alarm as the disagreement turned into a full-scale confrontation, with both of them shouting inches from one another’s faces. The rest of the cabin was trying not to stare, but preventing the argument from becoming physical was my responsibility.
Fortunately, a spare seat was available in the most expensive cabin, so I moved the husband, who seemed less volatile, away from his wife.
The children were seated with their grandparents, while the woman was kept apart from the rest of the family. I was asked to watch her in case she tried to find her husband and restart the row. When we landed, authorities escorted her from the aircraft.
Steaming celebrities
A destination can offer an early clue about the flight ahead. Ibiza routes are often every bit as lively as you might expect
The destination can sometimes tell you a great deal about the flight ahead. Ibiza routes, in particular, are often exactly as lively as you would imagine.
On one journey, we had left the gate and were preparing to taxi towards the runway. The doors had been set to automatic and cross-checked when a celebrity suddenly stood up and demanded that we return to the gate. He believed he had left his phone behind.
He was plainly drunk and caused an extraordinary commotion. Other passengers began telling him to sit down, but he would not listen. He insisted the aircraft had to turn around so he could retrieve the phone. Eventually, the captain decided the safest and least disruptive option was to return to the gate and remove him.
We went back, of course. About 20 minutes later, the aircraft departed without him. I only hope someone remembered to remove his luggage as well.
Tanked up on Valium
On a flight to Orlando, I was sitting in the jump seat when the woman opposite began muttering that I was a “f***ing stuck-up bitch”. She believed I was staring at her aggressively and wanted to confront me.
As soon as the seatbelt sign went off, I moved away. My colleague was left to spend the flight calming the woman and managing her increasingly difficult behaviour.
When we landed, she apologised and explained that she was terrified of flying. She had taken Valium and drunk a glass of wine, hoping the combination would knock her out.
Sozzled stag-dos
From April onwards, flights to Las Vegas become packed with stag parties. Most groups of men are perfectly manageable. Most.
On one occasion, a male passenger approached me while I was working in the rear galley.
We had chatted briefly earlier in the flight. I know the difference between friendly conversation and unwanted flirting, and nothing I had said suggested the latter was welcome.
By then, however, he was heavily intoxicated and slurring his words. He tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, his trousers were unzipped and he was clearly trying to show me what was underneath. I told him firmly to pull them up, while considering whether to report the behaviour under our inappropriate conduct procedure. That could have resulted in him being met by police on arrival.
Instead, I sent him back to his seat with a look that made my feelings clear and instructed the crew not to serve him any more alcohol. I was not afraid for my safety, but I was appalled that he considered his behaviour acceptable.
An intoxicated man is taken off a Ryanair flight by a police officer
The difficulty with alcohol on board is that crew have no way of knowing what a passenger drank before boarding or what they purchased in duty-free. One group of men kept ordering soft drinks, yet their voices became steadily louder.
After landing, we discovered vodka bottles beneath their seats. As we had suspected, they had been mixing their own drinks with alcohol hidden in their under-seat luggage.
Sloshed golfers
It is not only young people heading off for a week of partying who begin their holiday drunk. Groups of men travelling to Florida for golf trips could be every bit as noisy and inappropriate.
I remember one passenger who walked into the galley to request another drink instead of using the call bell. I turned to collect the bottles and felt him slap my bottom. This was before the #MeToo movement, when staff were often expected to avoid offending passengers at all costs. I had to laugh awkwardly and continue working.
On long-haul flights, we would occasionally run out of the miniature spirits bottles. When that happened, I had a discreet method for slowing down passengers who were clearly drinking too much.
I would tell them I could no longer provide individual bottles, but that I could prepare a mixed drink instead. The result was almost entirely mixer, with only a tiny amount of alcohol. In my mind, it was roughly two per cent booze and 98 per cent soft drink.
Mini wine bottle boozers
There is a common assumption that first-class passengers will be polished and courteous. That is certainly not guaranteed.
On a flight from London to Washington DC, one affluent-looking woman arrived dressed in smart clothes, expensive jewellery and carrying an elegant handbag. She was also exceptionally rude and patronising. Nothing pleased her, including the meal.
She demanded a dish that had already run out and became furious when told it was no longer available.
Passengers paying thousands for a ticket deserve good service, so I managed to find the meal by exchanging it with another traveller who was happy with an alternative. The woman still complained, this time insisting it was not hot enough.
She also continued ordering red wine. Before taking my break, I warned the other crew members that she was becoming very drunk and asked them to monitor her. By the time I returned, she was completely intoxicated and had vomited over herself. Her expensive outfit was covered in red-wine stains, yet she was still asking for another glass. I refused and offered her water instead.
When we arrived, she staggered from the cabin and nearly fell down the aircraft steps, her once-impressive outfit streaked with red-wine vomit. I couldn’t help feeling that the scene was a little deserved as I watched her leave.
As told to Samantha Brick