What Meghan's neighbors are gossiping about secretly

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Blimey! A new opinion poll is a wake-up call for The Sovereign of Santa Barbara, the Viscountess of Montecito, Me-Me-Meghan Markle.

A recent survey conducted among American adults revealed that only 41 percent of the respondents have a favorable view of Meghan, whom some refer to as the Duchess of Do-overs. This perception stems from her series of unsuccessful attempts at relaunching her career post-Megxit.

Meghan holds a unique position as the sole American member of the United Kingdom’s Royal family. In terms of public opinion, she falls behind King Charles but is rated higher than Prince Edward, who many may not be familiar with.

I’ll cut Charles some slack. Since 1776, we rebels haven’t much cared for kings. But what’s Meg’s excuse?

Interestingly, a quarter of Americans harbor negative feelings towards Meghan, with 17 percent admitting that their opinion of her has worsened since she and Prince Harry relocated to the US in 2020.

It’s looking bleak indeed, so I contacted to my Montecito mole to ask if this toilet-worthy branding has been enough to make Meg rethink her shtick.

Well, apparently, no. I was told that this Meghan is as good as it gets.

‘When the princess-thing didn’t work out, she reverted to the person she was when [Harry] found her,’ said my source, who is close to Meghan. ‘She’s trying to say she’s exceedingly normal, which she isn’t. It’s all very LA actress.’

A survey of American adults found that a meager 41 percent of Meghan’s countrymen hold a positive opinion of the Duchess of Do-overs – as she seems to careen from one failed post-Megxit career relaunch to the next.

As the only American on a list of the United Kingdom’s Royal family, Meghan (pictured with Harry in May 2025) ranked below King Charles and above Prince Edward (whoever the heck that is).

But what about these plummeting polls and failing ventures?

‘It’s glaringly obvious she doesn’t get it,’ I’m told. ‘It proves people don’t really change and all along she just wanted to be an influencer and TV star.’

If Harry thought his American wife was going to be Miss USA, he’s sorely mistaken.

Remember those 2020 rumors about Meghan considering a run for the US Senate? PTA president would be a stretch now.

Frankly, I think it’s sad. These moneyed Montecitans whispering behind Meghan’s back must feel like a devastating blow to a woman who seems like she’s finding it impossible to fit in anywhere.

A similar poll of the Royals was conducted in the UK and the Brits said to Yankee-Meghan haters: Hold my Boddington’s.

That survey found that Meghan was the least popular person in the entire monarchy, save Prince Andrew! And that dude’s got a luggage store’s worth of baggage.

If there’s one thing Britons and Americans can agree on (other than that the French are insufferable), it’s that Megs is unbearable.

You can’t spell Sussex without ‘S.U.X’!

Load of lettuce

Someone, please, take the podcast mic away from Michelle Obama.

Snack on this word salad from her latest episode of IMO: ‘Women’s reproductive health is about our life. It’s about this whole complicated reproductive system that the least of what it does is produce life.’

Pass the dressing Kamala, you’re starting to sound coherent.

Butter-butt

Hottie ex-Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel flaunted her lumpy dump truck (crack and all) in a skimpy G-string bikini at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit runway show on Saturday.

Well, she had at least one enthusiastic admirer: the frequently over-exposed Lauren Sanchez. ‘We all need this energy,’ the over-caulked arm candy gushed on social media.

No, we don’t, Lauren. Go launch yourself back into space and take Frankel’s flabby tushy with you.

Hottie ex-Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel flaunted her lumpy dump truck (crack and all) in a skimpy G-string bikini at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit runway show on Saturday.

DOGE daddy

When President Trump bid farewell to DOGE godfather Elon Musk on Friday, he promised that the severance would not be permanent.

‘Elon is really not leaving,’ said the president. ‘He’s going to be back and forth. I have a feeling. [DOGE is] his baby.’

Does that mean Musk offered the government a one-time payment of $15 million and asked it to sign an NDA?

Rapp it up

Intolerant lesbian (singer and actress) Renee Rapp, 25, told Cosmopolitan on Monday that, ‘Straight people don’t exist to me.’

Is this the plot of a bad remake of The Sixth Sense? No, just another mixed-up Gen-Z tool who confused empowerment with bigotry.

Apparently, the Mean Girls star has no time for hetero-normative weirdos hanging out in her house.

Well, do you want them to buy tickets to your concerts? Way to think this one through, Renee.

Intolerant lesbian (singer and actress) Renee Rapp, 25, told Cosmopolitan on Monday that, ‘Straight people don’t exist to me.’

Fuming Frenchies

France is banning smoking outdoors. I’m sorry, what?! Are they also banning berets, baguettes and foul body odor?

That’s like Japan outlawing sushi, America banning NASCAR and handguns, or the Brits criminalizing crumpets and bad teeth.

Maybe that’s why Brigitte ‘The Bully’ Macron double-fisted her hubby’s face.

Sydney’s bubbles

If you’ve ever wanted to lather yourself in a bit of Sydney Sweeney but don’t have the money to fight the restraining order, you’re in luck!

America’s favorite top-heavy obsession has distilled her essence into an $8 bar of soap so that ‘dirty little boys’ – Sydney’s words – can rub drops of her bathwater all over their filthy bits.

What exactly did Syd leave behind in the tub? Only her bubbles know for sure.

Knick-ers

Kylie Jenner is so enamored with Knicks-loving Timothee Chalamet that she’s sporting blue and orange all the way down to her lingerie – posting a picture of her open suitcase on Saturday.

This baddie seemed to have been pulling out all the stops after posting a clip of Samantha on Sex and the City bitching about not getting ‘laid unless the Knicks win’.

Welp, enjoy celibacy, Kylie!