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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite some time, and he’s been divorced for over two decades. Each year, his ex-wife visits him for a week or two, bringing along another woman. During this time, he goes out of his way to accommodate them, providing transportation and taking them out to eat.
Despite my interest in meeting them, I’ve never been included in these gatherings.
Am I wrong to feel that this behavior is disrespectful towards me and to harbor resentment over not being introduced to these yearly guests? When I have guests, I always make sure to include him. — LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA
DEAR LEFT OUT: It seems your boyfriend is treating you more like a hidden secret than a significant partner. (Does his ex even know he has a girlfriend?) Your feelings of being disrespected and left out are completely valid.
Since this has become a regular occurrence, you might want to consider planning your own getaway during the period your boyfriend is otherwise occupied.
DEAR ABBY: I am 76 and live in a great neighborhood. However, there are almost as many canines as there are houses. As a result, many of them are walked by my house at least twice a day. I like to go for walks in my neighborhood, but I’m afraid of dogs.
If I meet someone walking their dog, they usually want me to pet their dog. If I tell them I’m afraid of dogs, they often say I shouldn’t worry because their dog is friendly and would rather lick me than harm me. However, I don’t want to be licked either.
I’ve tried timing my walks to avoid these encounters, and I don’t want to drive elsewhere and waste gas to go for a walk. Suggestions, please. — SOLITARY STROLLER IN THE EAST
DEAR STROLLER: I do have a suggestion for you. Smile at the dog walkers and keep walking. That way, you will project friendliness but won’t be forced into an extended encounter that is unpleasant for you. It’s no sin to not want a licking.
DEAR ABBY: How do I ratchet down gift-giving? I am 80 years old. I have just about everything I want and far more than I need.
Yet, I have a daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law who lavish me with a half dozen or more gifts each holiday and birthday — books I will not read, clothes I will not wear, items I already have. All of them are new and not inexpensive.
I do not wish to cause a schism. Any suggestions on how to approach these ladies to suggest that, while it is nice to be remembered, one is enough? — STUFFED WITH STUFF IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR STUFFED: Talk to your daughter-in-law and sister-in-law individually. Tell them how grateful (and touched) you are that they are so generous with you, but explain that it is causing a problem.
You no longer have space for more things and, if they feel they must give you birthday and holiday gifts, you would appreciate it if they would donate the money to a charity of your choosing. It’s honest, and I’m sure the funds would be welcomed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.