DEAR ABBY: My wife and I went for our annual checkups seven months ago. We were both overweight and told by our respective doctors that we needed to make some lifestyle changes to improve our health. Since that time, I have made the needed changes. As a result, I have lost 40 pounds, and all of my vitals are in a healthy range.

My wife has not made any changes. There has been no weight loss, and she has to take medication for a couple of issues. While I have made sacrifices, she has made excuses. I love her dearly, but I am very frustrated. I have been positive and encouraging, but it doesn’t seem to help.

We are both at an age at which we need to take our health seriously. This isn’t about looks or appearance; it’s about health. I really want us to have long and healthy lives together. If there is any advice you can provide, I am open to hearing it. — FITTER IN INDIANA

DEAR FITTER: Other than modeling healthy exercise and eating habits for your wife, there is nothing you can do to force her off the trajectory she is on. Changing one’s lifestyle (or not) is a personal choice. Motivation has to come from within, and she has to be determined to make the effort. Her doctor, not you, should discuss making those changes with her and the reasons for it. Even small changes can make a big difference.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 7-year-old great-granddaughter, “Emma.” She’s beautiful, smart, happy and just wonderful. Her dad, my grandson, and her mother are no longer together, but they share custody. My grandson has since gotten together with Baby Mama No. 2 and has two other children with her. 

Emma’s life has not been the easiest because of the fighting and disagreements. Her mother is also with another man and has other children. Her mom’s boyfriend is not nice to Emma. My grandson is trying to get full custody of her. 

Emma is bright and intelligent. I would like to talk to her about independence and not depending on any man to support her. I know at 7 she’s still too young to understand. What is a good age to teach her independence and how to provide for herself, and rather than “need” a man, it’s healthier to be with someone without depending on him? — HER “GEE-GEE” IN COLORADO

DEAR “GEE-GEE”: This is not a one-time lesson you are trying to convey. It’s a lifelong process. The first thing you should do is become a role model for Emma. Expose her to books and videos about women who are independent, building careers and lives for themselves rather than depending upon a man. Then teach her self-respect. If you do, those are lessons she will take with her into adulthood.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.