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From post-breakup hauls, to listening to sad Taylor Swift songs and lamenting an ex, to shining a light on the bittersweet reality of high school couples going their separate ways, TikTok has been saturated with content that chronicles the ups and downs of romantic relationships.
But what about the so-called late bloomers who have yet to experience a committed relationship and are heading to TikTok to share their thoughts?
The hashtag #latebloomer has continued to grow in popularity online, as more people in their 20s and 30s speak out about their struggles in finding romantic attachment and their desire to date someone for the first time. TikTok user @softavacodo is one user who has been outspoken about her insecurities as someone who’s never had a partner at 28 years old.
“Sometimes I really resent that other people that I know or other people just in general that have had the traditional timeline of when you start dating, when you get into your first relationship, when you have sex for the first time…I have a hard time when I look at other people who ‘did it right,’” she says in a video from Sept. 22. “I resent not only them, but I resent myself for not experiencing things earlier.”
@softavacodo goes on to explain that while she’s learning to put herself out there more, there are some people she encounters that are “confused” by her situation.
“Other people view me a certain way and see me as conventionally attractive…so they don’t think that dating should be difficult for me,” she explains. “But I find it so hard, especially for my personality type, as shy as I am, as introverted as I am, as awkward as I am … I’m just having a hard time not feeling resentment about this.”
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A report published by Pew Research Center in 2020 found that about one-third of “never-married” single adults, or 35%, say that they’ve never been in “a committed romantic relationship.”
Ashley Reese, a New York City-based writer, penned a piece for Rookie in 2017 about her journey as a late bloomer. She would eventually go on to marry her husband, Rob, in October 2022.
“I think that we would all feel a little less weird about our own lack of love lives if we were more open and honest,” wrote Reese, who had her first kiss at 23 and lost her virginity at 25. (Reese’s husband died that December.) “There’s a tendency to think that someone who is inexperienced must be some sort of weirdo who looks like a swamp monster with the charisma of a moldy slice of ham. Once you realize that your own friends and people you look up to are in the same sexless boat as you are, you really start to understand that maybe how interesting or cool or pretty you are really isn’t based on who you’ve managed to hook up with.”
According to Sophie Cress, a licensed marriage and family therapist, while this phenomenon of late bloomers may have been affected, in part, by the COVID-19 pandemic, societal, cultural and individual factors are also at play here.
“In recent decades, there has been a shift towards greater acceptance of diverse relationship patterns,” Cress told In The Know by Yahoo via email. “People are increasingly realizing that there is no fixed age or timeline for experiencing romantic relationships, having sex, or getting married. This shift toward personalized and diverse relationship trajectories is, for the most part, a positive development as it fosters self-acceptance and the belief that everyone’s journey is unique.”
For late bloomers especially, building up self-confidence is crucial, says Cress.
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“Engage in activities and pursuits that make you feel good about yourself, and work on boosting your self-esteem. Confidence is attractive, and it can help you navigate the dating world more comfortably,” she added.
Allora Dannon Campbell (@alloradannon), 33, one of TikTok’s most vocal, self-described late bloomers, regularly shares updates as someone who got into her first-ever relationship earlier this year.
“So I have my first-ever date tomorrow,” she says in a video posted on Jan. 14. “And I’ve been operating under the assumption that that person will either ghost me or it’ll go really poorly, to lower my chances of disappointment…What if it goes well and there’s a second date?”
On Sept. 26, Campbell spoke in depth about “the pain of being no one’s priority,” which, she says, is felt by many late bloomers, herself included, at one point.
“The desire for priority is honestly an especially painful one,” Campbell says of late bloomers craving this feeling of being wanted and needed. “It’s not that I need a partner to complete me in order to have a fulfilling life. It’s that I have built a life that I love, I have accomplished things that I’m proud of, and I want someone to share that life with me…I want them to weave into what I have created for myself.”
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