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Shaughna Phillips has admitted she is ‘in such a bad place’ as she opened up about the struggles of life as a single mother.
The Love Island star, 29, spoke candidly about not being happy with her life and said she feels ‘guilty’ about the way she is has been feeling in an honest Instagram post.
In a ‘day in the life’ video, Shaughna shared a slew of clips capturing everyday moments, including with her baby daughter Lucia, nine months.
The television star shares Lucia with her disgraced ex-boyfriend Billy Webb, who was sentence to nine years in jail for conspiracy to supply 4.5kg of cocaine worth at least £360,000, after being arrested in a drug raid.
He was charged with one count of possession with intent to supply a Class A drug and one count of being concerned in the supply of controlled drugs on January 21 last year.
As the series of daily moments went on, Shaughna added a blunt monologue in the background.
‘Sorry I’m not my usual chirpy self at the minute, I’ll be back but LAWD life is doing a number on me at the minute. Tomorrows a new day,’ she captioned the post.
In many moments from the video, the reality star can be seen visibly unhappy and disheartened.
Starting her sincere confession, Shaughna started warning her followers: ‘Good evening. Sorry this is going to be f*****g depressing so if you are already in a bad mood, I’d probably skip this already, because I am not going to cheer you up.
‘I’ve been filming this like day with me for four days and I’ve never finished it because I am in such a bad place. I feel like you can see it on my face, I am just not happy.
‘And I feel like there are probably a plethora of reasons and I feel so guilty because I have such an angel baby that should make me happy every day but at the minute I am just not.
‘I feel like the only time I’m happy is because she’s with me, and I just love her so much.’
‘You know what they say, tough times don’t last, tough people do, can’t enjoy the sun without a little bit of rain, god gives these toughest battles to the strongest soldiers.
‘Do you know what? I am done being a strong soldier. I am ready to be a soft one,’ Shaughna finished adding: ‘Anyway… I am with you guys, tomorrow is a new day.’
The candid clips showed some of her daily tasks as a mother, as one sweet moment captured little Lucia playing with a fruit pot on Shaughna’s face.
Her very honest confession earned her the empathy of plenty of followers, with many fans rushing to show her support, and others praising her for being so frank about her mental health.
Love Island’s Paige Turley penned: ‘You won’t realise how many people you’ll help by even just admitting this is how you’re feeling & not just painting the glossy version for insta. Day by day, Just keep swimming – love you lots.’
‘There shouldn’t be shame in admitting we’re in a bad place; we can’t be happy all the time! we have to experience the bad times to really appreciate the good. sending you lots of love,’ another follower wrote.
A third added: ‘Sending lots of love thank you for your transparency. We all have these times but can feel so isolated when we’re in them. You’re not alone!
‘And thank you for taking time in your own dark hour to try and help others. Who does that? Only a special kind of human being.’
‘I love how honest and true you are. Keep going you got this,’ another fan gushed over her candid speech.
Another echoed her feelings and wrote: ‘Not embarrassing to say out loud at all. It’s really important that we know how normal it is to feel this way at times. your a super mum xxx.’ (sic)
‘Looking after a baby is very hard work and being a single Mum (like myself) is even harder it gets easier sweetheart Keep going I’ve been there,’ said another person encouraging her.
Shaughna has previously defended her decision to take her baby daughter to visit her father Billy in prison.
She told OK! magazine: ‘It’s not a decision I made lightly and I won’t lie, the first time I took her was really scary and daunting.
‘I don’t think it hit me what was happening until I got into the building. I was so nervous but it was never a question for me. I always knew I was going to take Lucia to visit her dad.
‘Although it’s the last place on earth I’d hope to take a baby, I just felt like I owed it to her. Billy’s obviously missed out on a lot in her life due to his actions but I was never going to stand in the way of him being a dad.
Shaughna said she feels the bond Lucia has with Billy is just as important as the one she has with her mother, adding that she has such happy memories growing up with her own father but also remembers what it was like for him not to be there.
Billy will be allowed out of prison on day release when Lucia is 16 months old.
Shaughna added: ‘I know people might not agree, but if she was older I think I would struggle more with my decision.
‘If she was more aware of her surroundings it would be difficult taking her to see him. It’s not nice and you get searched by sniffer dogs. I’m grateful, in a strange way, that this all happened when it did.’
Shaughna and Billy began their romantic relationship in 2020, however she kept him largely hidden from social media to protect his privacy.
Billy was arrested when she was 30 weeks pregnant with Lucia.
On her podcast, Oh Baby! with fellow mum Holly Connolly, Shaughna broke her silence on her ex’s involvement in Lucia’s life.
‘I’ve been living in this weird life that I never, ever anticipated I would be living. It’s not ideal this is not how I thought my life was going to be.’
The normally very candid reality TV star said she was ‘terrified’ to share the ins and outs of her life over the past 11 months and asked fans to be ‘gentle’ with her.
She explained that she felt her followers deserved to know as she has been open with every other aspect of her life – but it came with a caveat.
‘The only thing that’s difficult is that I need to bear in mind that one day, Lucia may listen to the words that I say, may read things that I’ve said.’
She added: ‘Before I was in this position, before I had a baby, if you had asked me would I ever, ever take my child into a prison, the answer would be absolutely not.
‘Anyone that does that is crazy. And then, lo and behold, I’m now in this position. And I think the thing is, we’re always going to be co-parents.
‘And I know that me and my dad had the best relationship ever, and to me, my dad is the best person in the world. And I don’t want Lucia to think differently of her father
She confirmed: ‘So I take her [Lucia] to see him. She’s not going to have any idea, and I would never, ever stop him from seeing her, ever.
‘At the end of the day, this is where Lucia’s dad is. This is where my co-parent is, and we need to just need to be amenable and roll with the punches.’
