Woman Married to a Serial Killer Reveals the Chilling Warning Signs She Missed

In 2024, Bonnie Lou Gower received a cryptic Instagram message—just seven words carrying the weight of a dark history that stretched back decades.

“I hear we have something in common,” the direct message said.

Although the message came without warning, Gower immediately recognized the sender. It was the woman her former husband had kidnapped and raped 22 years earlier after abducting her from a South Carolina front lawn when she was 15.

Gower’s ex-husband was Richard Marc Evonitz, a serial killer conclusively linked to the murders of three teenage girls in Virginia during the 1990s. Kara Robinson Chamberlain, now 39, was the victim who escaped—and whose account helped police close in on Evonitz before he died by suicide at age 38.

“When I got the message from her, I was kind of floored,” Gower told the Daily Mail. “I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but I thought, ‘She’s pretty brave and is reaching out to me, so I should talk to her and just see where this goes.’”

Gower had previously come across Chamberlain’s social media accounts, where she spoke out for victims and addressed true crime issues. At times, she had even considered contacting her herself.

“But what do you talk about?” Gower, now 55, remembered wondering. “And why would she want to talk to me? I didn’t want to intrude on her life or bring something to her that she didn’t want to deal with.”

Chamberlain, however, felt no resentment toward Gower because of her connection to Evonitz. In fact, she had often thought about the killer’s former wife.

“I very much viewed her as a victim in a way as well—someone who had no idea who this person was that she was married to,” Chamberlain said. “So I viewed her not as anyone who held any culpability, just as someone who was part of this journey.”

Gower responded, and the two quickly formed a connection, speaking by phone for hours. Their first conversation grew into an extraordinary partnership as they began examining other crimes that Evonitz may have committed.

Their investigation is chronicled in the three-part series The Serial Killer Connection, which premiered on Investigation Discovery (ID) on Wednesday evening. The remaining two episodes will air on ID on Wednesdays, with the complete series also available to stream on HBO Max.

For Chamberlain, the project is another step in a lifelong effort to uncover the full truth about the man who abducted her.

“I just feel so very strongly that he was responsible for more than we know… I feel this in my bones,” she said.

Evonitz’s crimes came to public attention in June 2002. On June 24, Chamberlain was watering flowers in the front garden of a friend’s home in Columbia, South Carolina, when 38-year-old Evonitz pulled up. He held a gun to the 15-year-old’s neck and forced her into his vehicle.

He drove her to his apartment, handcuffed her to a bed and sexually assaulted her over 18 hours. Chamberlain eventually found a way to escape: She used her teeth to release the handcuff clasp, freed herself from a leg restraint and quietly slipped out while Evonitz slept.

After flagging down a passing car, Chamberlain was taken to a police station. The details she provided led officers to Evonitz’s home, but he had already fled. Police traced him to Sarasota, Florida, where he died by suicide on June 27 as officers closed in.

Around the same time, there was a knock at the then 30-year-old Gower’s California home.

She had been married to Evonitz from 1988 to 1996 but in the six years that had passed since their separation, she had remarried and had children with her second husband.

Gower was baking a cake with her two young sons when the doorbell rang and FBI agents asked her to sit down.

They told her what happened to Chamberlain, and that her ex-husband was on the run.

‘I was shocked, I could not imagine that he would be capable of hurting anybody,’ she said. ‘It was very surreal, though, a lot of things went through my head.’

And soon there would be more to process. After Evonitz’s suicide, police found notes in his apartment in Richland County, South Carolina, indicating that he was responsible for more crimes. 

Forensic evidence eventually tied him to the kidnapping, sexual assault and murder in Virginia of Sofia Silva, 16, in September 1996, and of sisters Kristin and Kati Lisk, aged 15 and 12, in May 1997.

Silva had been abducted and killed when Gower and Evonitz were still living together.

Looking back today, Gower understands that she was a victim, too. She was 11 years old when she met Evonitz, who was 20 at the time. He was the older brother of a friend, and they started dating when she was 14; they married in August 1988, just a month after she turned 17.

She describes him as ‘charming’ and says she was smitten.

‘I was raised by a single mother and alone a lot, and was very naive [and] extremely trusting,’ she said. ‘Looking back, I was a perfect victim, in the sense that I was easily manipulated. I didn’t even realize I was being manipulated.’

Evonitz was in the Navy so the young couple moved around a lot, first to Portland, Maine, then to San Diego, California, before settling in Spotsylvania County, Virginia.

In The Serial Killer Connection, Gower recounts starting their married life and finding herself in a controlling relationship with Evonitz, who taunted her about her looks and her weight. Although there were red flags, it was not a physically abusive relationship.

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Over the years, Gower found a Polaroid photo of a teenage neighbor sunbathing, a trunk full of pornography and a workout video featuring a teenage girl. She also found Evonitz, who liked to bind her with handcuffs during sex even though it made her uncomfortable, wearing her underwear once.

When she raised concerns about the pornography or expressed unease about the bondage, he was dismissive and implied she was the one at fault.

‘He would always put it back on me that I was the one with the issue, that what he was doing was perfectly normal, that anything that you do within the realms of a married relationship, as long as it’s consensual, is fine,’ she told the Daily Mail.

Nothing, she said, suggested he might be preying on young girls.

But on September 9, 1996, when Gower was in San Diego visiting her brother, 16-year-old Sofia Silva vanished as she drank a soda on her front porch in Spotsylvania. 

Her body was found five weeks later. She had been asphyxiated and signs of sexual assault were present.

Police threw resources at the investigation but had few leads.

Gower remembers coming home from her trip around the time this was all happening. Evonitz was late to pick her up and was ‘kind of disheveled’ and in a bad mood. The shower curtain and a rug were missing from the master bathroom. 

He told her he had slipped, grabbed the shower curtain and fallen on the rug, so he threw them both away.

Gower had no reason not to believe him but their relationship had been deteriorating, and she was worried about Evonitz’s mood swings. Deciding he was not the man she wanted to start a family with, she left later in 1996 and embarked on a new life.

Evonitz went on to kill two more girls – the Lisk sisters – in Spotsylvania the following year.

When Gower found out about her ex-husband’s gruesome double life five years later, she struggled to process the information. She had panic attacks and anxiety but was also busy raising a young family and tried to compartmentalize her feelings.

At a therapist’s suggestion, she started writing down her thoughts. Over the years, these entries turned into a book about her experience living with Evonitz, and in 2024 she decided to look for a publisher. Her son and his wife were both influencers and suggested using social media to draw attention to her situation.

She posted a TikTok video as part of the Put a Finger Down challenge when people tell their stories and see if others can relate. It became a viral sensation and now has nearly 40 million views.

One of those watching was Chamberlain.

In the intervening years, Chamberlain had forged a career in law enforcement, before having a family and focusing her efforts on victim advocacy. She drew on her personal and professional experience in her own podcast and in documentaries about other unsolved crimes.

When people pointed out Gower’s video, Chamberlain was intrigued and quickly got in touch with her unusual message.

‘I was like, “what do you say?” I have a touch of the dark humor and was like, “this is an absurd situation so I’m just going to send a kind of absurd message,”‘ she explained.

It was the conversation starter that she hoped it would be, and Chamberlain explained her drive to find out if Evonitz was responsible for more killings.

While on the run, Evonitz spoke to his sister on the phone and told her he had committed ‘more crimes than he can remember.’ 

But he has only been linked conclusively to the three Spotsylvania murders and Chamberlain’s abduction in South Carolina.

She felt as though Gower could have crucial pieces of the puzzle, and the idea for The Serial Killer Connection was born.

‘It worked really beautifully,’ said Chamberlain, ‘because Bonnie has so much information from that time that tells her story, but also tells his story.’

The Serial Killer Connection weaves Chamberlain and Gower’s narratives into their investigations as they look into unsolved crimes that Evonitz could be responsible for – from Portland to Spotsylvania.

The series includes shocking revelations and witness testimony about Evonitz’s potential links to other high profile unsolved murders in all three of the places he and Gower lived.

Chamberlain hopes that the show will prompt law enforcement agencies to investigate potentially linked cases and get relevant evidence into national databases.

‘My big goal is that we can find out what those cases are and I think that I will be fighting that fight for the rest of my life,’ she said.

And she thinks the unique connection that she and Bonnie share is bringing these cold cases to a wider audience.

‘When have you ever seen a family member of an offender and a victim come together and work together for a united cause? I just don’t think it’s something that’s been done,’ she said.