Share and Follow
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have shared the same bed for our entire 44-year marriage. Recently, I came down with a virus, so we agreed I’d sleep in the guest room to avoid spreading it. During that time, I realized that I actually sleep much better alone, enjoying the extra space and freedom. Now I’m faced with the challenge of telling my wife I’d like to continue sleeping separately. I love her dearly, but I truly value my newfound comfort. What should I do? — SLEEPING FOR ONE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR SLEEPING: Many couples opt for separate sleeping arrangements for various reasons, and it doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem in the relationship. Approach the topic by sharing your experience of how well-rested you felt after sleeping alone—perhaps the best sleep you’ve had in a long time. Emphasize the importance of a good night’s rest for your health, and reassure her that your preference is not personal. It might surprise you to learn that she also enjoyed the extra space and restfulness. If she’s not open to the idea, consider a compromise, like placing two beds in your shared bedroom.
DEAR ABBY: My 71-year-old husband has developed a habit of telling lengthy stories about himself to anyone who will listen—friends, family, and even strangers. I’ve heard these tales countless times and notice others losing interest as well. I’ve asked him to focus on more recent stories, ideally from the past decade, but that hasn’t curbed his storytelling. What can I do? It’s becoming so tiresome that I’m avoiding social gatherings with him. — MAKE IT STOP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MAKE IT STOP: Consider whether this behavior is new for your husband or if it might be an early sign of cognitive decline. Sometimes, repeating old stories can indicate fading short-term memory. Alternatively, his storytelling might be a way of clinging to past glories if he feels he has nothing current to contribute. If it’s simply a case of him being a bit of a bore, you might want to attend more social events on your own. Your friends and family will likely appreciate your company without the accompanying monologues.
DEAR MAKE IT STOP: Has your husband always been like this, or could his repetitiveness be a symptom of mental decline? When people regale others with old stories, it can mean that their short-term memory is deteriorating. Is the problem that your husband had an illustrious career years ago but has nothing recent to discuss? If his problem is simply that he’s a crashing bore, consider socializing without him more often. Your friends and family will appreciate you for it.
DEAR ABBY: I live in an independent retirement home. There is a lady who sits at our table at lunch. If someone asks a question, before the person being addressed can respond, she butts in and answers. If someone says something, she tries to top them. We have tried insulting her, but she pouts for a few minutes and then is back at it. When we moved to another table, she moved also. Any suggestions? — SPOILED LUNCH IN ALABAMA
DEAR SPOILED: Yes, rather than shun the clueless woman, one of you should have a private conversation with her. (Is she in control of all of her faculties?) Explain that her personality is “too strong and dominant” for the rest of you, which has made you all uncomfortable, and this is why she should sit elsewhere at lunchtime. If she denies it, give her some examples. Do not expect her to like it, but if you speak up, you may be able to enjoy your lunch in peace after that. If not, talk to the manager of the retirement home about reassigning her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.