DEAR ABBY: At 82 years old, my father maintains an independent lifestyle, living alone without assistance. His health, thankfully, remains in relatively good shape, yet he’s beginning to confront the inevitable truth that this won’t be the case indefinitely. Determined to seize the moment, he’s decided that one thing he must do while he still can—at least in his mind—is embark on a solo road trip to visit his sister, who lives across the country.
His routine includes regular short drives lasting about two to three hours, and based on this, he believes a 2,000-mile expedition is achievable if approached in manageable segments spread over several days. In my view, it’s a monumentally poor decision. The risk of fatigue from extended hours on the road is concerning, as is the added pressure of navigating unfamiliar territories. These factors leave me worried about the potential for accidents or him losing his way.
I’ve shared my concerns with him and pointed out that there are safer alternatives. To ease his journey, I even offered to cover his airfare. However, he balks at the thought of handling an airport, which to me seems much simpler than enduring long drives. Additionally, the idea of navigating an unfamiliar rental car at his destination isn’t appealing to him. I proposed accompanying him, yet he plans for an extended stay, and there’s no room for me at my aunt’s place.
Despite my efforts, Dad is determined to make this trip, and my fear is that he may slip away without informing anyone. Given that we live far apart and I lack any legal authority to confiscate his car keys, I’m at a loss. This seems absurd, doesn’t it? — A DISASTER IN OHIO
DEAR SEES: Regardless of our opinions on your father’s plan, the reality is that he intends to proceed. However, this does not preclude you from seeking a role in his journey to provide some comfort and assurances.
Help your father plan and map out his trip. Note what hotels or motels there are along the way and help him make reservations. Then get his promise to call you every evening when he checks in so you can know he is all right. It may take some work on your part, but the reassurance of being able to track his progress would be priceless.
DEAR ABBY: My youngest child (early teens) has a hard time making and keeping friends, but he made a new friend three weeks ago. I have met the mom once, briefly, and mostly texted to discuss timing for plans with my kid and hers.
The mom keeps asking me for money. Our stories are similar, and I’ve filled her in — divorced, single mom, no contact with ex, no support. Most recently, she texted me asking for gas money and additional money to help fund a trip out of state for a funeral. I may live in a nice house, but I have no help in paying for it plus all the other life expenses. I’ve told her as much, but I still get these requests.
I don’t want to be rude to her, but I feel like my next step is to be blunt. However, I don’t want to risk hurting the friendship between the kids. How do I make it clear without doing damage? — DOLLARS AND SENSE
DEAR D & S: Resist the urge to be blunt. Simply tell the woman nicely that you don’t have funds to give her at this time. When she asks again, repeat as necessary.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.