DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, I’ve been battling a chronic illness, leading to an extended leave from my job. I’ve always been surrounded by amazing friends and family, whose initial support made the diagnosis a bit more bearable. It was the usual responses of, “Let me know if you need anything,” that comforted me, though I’ve never leaned on anyone, preferring not to impose.
Recently, my world shifted with the passing of my mother, leaving me grappling with overwhelming loneliness. I crave real connection—just a simple lunch or a casual drink with a friend would mean so much. Sadly, my calls go unanswered, and messages seem to disappear into the void. I hadn’t realized there was an expiry on “let me know if you need anything.” I’m certain others out there feel this isolating silence, and I am reaching out for any words of comfort you might offer. — NOT ALWAYS SUNNY IN UTAH
DEAR NOT ALWAYS SUNNY: My heartfelt condolences for the deeply personal loss of your mother. It’s disheartening that those who assured you of their support now seem to have forgotten their promises. This situation requires you to take the initiative to address your solitude.
First, consider joining a support group—either face-to-face or virtual—that relates to your illness. If it aligns with your beliefs, you might also reach out to a religious advisor. Depending on your health, perhaps volunteering for a cause you care about or caring for animals as a foster could also provide meaningful interaction.
Instead of waiting for a call that might never come, perhaps make the proactive choice to have a meal or a drink outside, allowing you to meet new people and protect yourself from dwelling too long in isolation.
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DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law think it’s OK to have cameras on me and my husband when we watch their children. It has been going on for six years, and I’m uncomfortable babysitting them while being recorded.
I know my son and his wife watch the footage, because comments have been made about what we have discussed while babysitting. I’m tired of sucking it up and allowing this. This would mean that I probably wouldn’t get to see my grandchildren anymore. What should I do? — HATE BEING FILMED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR HATE BEING FILMED: Are the cameras running all the time, or just when you are babysitting? If they are on all the time, then you are not being singled out. Because you find the idea of your son and daughter-in-law listening in on what you thought were private conversations, perhaps you should start doing the babysitting at your home instead of theirs. However, if that isn’t viable, you may either have to bite the bullet and accept the status quo or remove babysitting from the equation.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.