DEAR ABBY: My sister is facing serious mental health problems, and so is her boyfriend of over six years, whom she lives with. She believes that everyone she has known was involved in trafficking her during her childhood. Despite our upbringing, which was safe and privileged on a farm, my sister did face significant trauma in our late teenage years. Now, as we are in our mid-40s, she doesn’t acknowledge her condition and rejects any treatment.

Except for our mother, the whole family, including her three grown children, has kept some distance from her. We care deeply for her, but her attempts to involve us only lead to harmful delusions affecting our lives. Although she has always been difficult, her situation has become worse since she has been with her boyfriend.

Currently, neither of them is employed. My sister is trying to get disability benefits, which her boyfriend is already receiving, and they are just scraping by. Abby, we’re at a loss for how to assist her. Seeing her struggle is heartbreaking, especially knowing that medication might help, yet she refuses to consider it. — LOSING HOPE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOSING HOPE: Medicine might help, if your sister were willing to accept that kind of intervention. Because she isn’t, and she and her boyfriend are barely getting by, it might be wise to seek the help of a social worker. If there is a department of mental health in your sister’s county, consider contacting someone there and asking for help with this problem.

DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling with something that feels both silly and painful. I’ve developed intense feelings (maybe even “limerence”) for a man I know, and no matter how hard I try, no one else seems to compare. I have tried dating apps, looking at younger guys, older guys, conventionally attractive guys. Nothing clicks. I keep thinking, why can’t I just lower my standards? Or, why can’t I find others attractive when I know logically this person isn’t the only man on Earth? 

Am I broken? Am I too fixated on a type? Am I missing out on good people just because they don’t give me butterflies? I know I can’t (and maybe shouldn’t) wait around for this one guy, but opening myself up to others feels impossible when they all feel so “meh” or even repulsive in comparison. How can I break out of this mental trap? I’m 30, so I feel I need to figure this all out. — STUCK IN MY HEAD AND HEART

DEAR STUCK: The kind of intense attraction you feel for this man does not necessarily lead to a lasting relationship. Not once in your letter did you mention that he has indicated he has feelings for you, or even knows who you are. 

At the age of 30, you are a little old to be waiting around for someone who may never come around. A way to break out of what you call the “mental trap” would be to start concentrating on other things and live your life. Put the fantasy of romance aside for a while, and you may meet some wonderful people and form relationships that are reciprocal. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.